A Reminder

I was just looking back through old blog posts.  I like to do that from time to time to see pictures of my children and read what we were doing at various points.

And I stumbled upon these words from a Christmas post I did.  I'm glad I read them tonight. 

And now I will close with a quote from the book that I am reading, Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus. I think it sums up Christmas so well


For the son of God to empty himself and become poor meant a laying aside of glory; a voluntary restraint of power; an acceptance of hardship, isolation, ill-treatment, malice, and misunderstanding; finally, a death that involved such agony--spiritual, even more than physical--that his mind nearly broke under the prospect of it. It meant love to the uttermost for unlovely men, who "through his poverty, might become rich." This Christmas message is that there is hope for a ruined humanity--hope of pardon, hope of peace with God, hope of glory--because at the Father's will Jesus Christ became poor and was born in a stable so that thirty years later he might hang on a cross. It is the most wonderful message that the world has ever heard, or will hear. (70-71).
 
Tonight, especially tonight, it helps so much to remember that God himself emptied himself and became poor.  He became poor.  I find such comfort in that tonight.  He was a man of sorrows, well-acquainted with grief. (Isaiah 53:3)  He is not a distant God. 
 
Okay, that's all.

Exactly What I Needed to Read Tonight

I have had an emotionally hard day.  Just being honest, I basically am tired of life feeling hard.  (I say feeling because I know that my life really isn't hard).  I told the Lord tonight that I am ready for some relief, for this hard season to end.  I am done.  As if it's up to me.

And then, I had to do my nightly prayer at Ada's bed time.  It was hard for me to even know what to pray because all I could think to pray was, get us out of this situation.  So, instead, I reminded the Lord that he promises that he will be my strength, and I needed that strength tonight.

Then, I came downstairs, the kids in bed, and I pulled up my google reader.  I found this article on the GirlTalk blog, and I decided to click on the link to read the entire article.

It was so worth it.  The words of this article gave me the strength I needed to keep on keeping on.

And it's weird because my "down" day wasn't about motherhood exactly, but more about the circumstances in which I am having to mother.  But still, the idea of laying down all of my ideas about my life really hit home.  I have been fighting the Lord all day because I don't want to lay down my life.  But that's exactly what the gospel commands us to do.

It's crazy how the truth of who God is always brings peace.  Always.

Reflecting on the past week

It's Sunday night, the eve of another week, and I am looking back over the past week to see how successful I was at achieving my goals.  Let's be honest, the whole miralax and Ada situation sort of pushed all other "resolutions" to the side, but since Ada is 3 1/2 that resolution really did need to take precedence. 

And the funny thing is, setting resolutions or goals or whatever you want to call them simply provides another opportunity for the truth of the gospel to shine through.  It's inevitable that I will fail at meeting my goals.  It's inevitable, and that is why we have the gospel.  I am absolutely flawed, absolutely a failure, absolutely nothing but filth--even my best try, my best "works," are nothing but filthy rags--I will ALWAYS come up short.  And that is when I fall flat on my face before God and beg for Jesus to do it for me.  Literally. 

Lately, the Lord is really teaching me that He has to do all the good.  I am so sick of making goals and not reaching them that lately, I am simply going to straight to God with it.  For example, I am sick of a messy house.  Sick of it.  I would love to have a wonderful routine that keeps my house clean and organized and functional instead of chaotic.  But I have tried one thing after another only to end back at the starting point.  So lately, I am simply praying about it, asking the Lord to show me the next step.  And then, here is the kicker, I am obeying.  I usually don't want to.  I find myself praying, and then a thought pops into my head--now would be a great time to fold clothes or unload the dishwasher or exercise or read your bible or whatever thing you want to fill in the blank--and I usually want to do nothing but sit on the couch, but I am obeying.  I am praying, listening, and obeying (and sometimes not obeying, obviously), but my point is that I am tired of the goal setting and the goal failing, so I am simply taking it to the Lord.  And even praying that I would obey--you know?  Just a whole lot of prayer.  Desperate prayer. 

So...how is this looking practically?  Well this past Friday I attacked my master bedroom which is covered floor to ceiling with dirty and clean clothes--who knows which is which.  I mean, really, it's a sight.  But I just started chipping away at it, and Ada and John played with the suitcase that is still sitting on my floor--my suitcase from Christmas travels.

So, I worked on my room, and then, aware of the beautiful sunshine outside my window, we headed out for a quick walk around the neighborhood.  Fresh air and sunshine is so good for the brain, isn't it?

This little guy is so on the go, that my stinky camera phone just isn't quick enough to ever catch him.  He wanted out of that stroller, so we took a break to play near the tennis courts (that have yet to be played on by anyone.  Finished?  yes.  Accessible?  no.)

So, we finished our walk, headed back inside, and went back to work in the bedroom.  This time around, John entertained himself in the armoire.

So, what is the point of all of this rambling?  I guess just to say that I have thrown the list out the window--sort of--and instead I am just bringing a few requests before the Lord, often, without ceasing.  Tonight I wish so badly that I could wake up before the kiddos and exercise.  Just 20 minutes.  It seems, from my perspective, that it would be a good thing for everyone.  But Ada ends up in my bed and wakes up when I do or the alarm doesn't go off or whatever else.  So, I am just praying that it would happen.  I would love that quiet time in the morning, and the exercise is so good for my brain (and my body, obviously).  And I also wish that I could finish cleaning my bedroom tomorrow.  Lord, help me.  What else is there to say?  Just help me, Lord.  Do what you want with my life and help me to glorify you in every moment--even in the dishes and the laundry and the exercising.  The daily grind.

Sorry for such a long, rambling post.  Is anyone even still reading?  I would certainly not blame if you if you quit a while back.  But...I wanted to update on the goals for the year.  Diapers are gone, though, so check that one off the list.  THANK YOU, LORD.

Okay, Monday, bring it on.

On the Brink of 2011

We are staring into the face of another year.

I always feels so much pressure this time of year.  Here we are again, a chance to start over, try again, hope to get it right this time.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll get it right this time.

On the one hand, I love the idea of a new beginning.  On the other hand, I dread the thought of failing once again.  Failing to meet the goals, cross the finish line, follow through.  There are so many words spinning around in my brain-- budget and weight loss and homemaking and parenting and educating and the list goes on and on and on and on, until I feel dizzy.

There are simple things--dealing with Ada and the potty (you catch my drift?) and getting the walls painted.  Why are these two things so hard?  It seems like they should be so simple.

And then there are the major things that start with my heart.  That start with my getting gut honest before the Lord and asking Him to dig deep into my heart and change things there.  The rest will just be overflow.  The thing is, there are a million things I could focus on, a million things that could change, but I just finished reading Radical, just in time for the New Year, and he has great suggestions for what I can focus on this year, and his suggestions matter.  I mean matter more than those five pounds I am dying to lose.  (I gained 20 less pounds with John, and yet these last five pounds are hanging on much longer than they did with Ada!!)  So there is one place to start, maybe even with just one word.  A word like intentional.  I pray that my days would be intentional.  Prayer and gospel and bible driven days.  I believe that if I am intentional and prayer driven and focused, that the smaller things will fall into place, and if they don't, it will be because I learn that they just don't matter that much.

So excuse me while I ramble all over this computer screen, but in these last days of 2010, my mind is speeding along trying to figure out a way to failure-proof 2011, and..."it ain't happenin."

 So, I will start with prayer and His word.  There is January's resolution, just start with prayer and His word.  (I have decided to take this year's resolutions one month a time, maybe one morning at a time?)

By the way, I still want to post pictures of Christmas.  I will get to it, maybe before 2011?

Almost Christmas

Here we are on December 23rd (my dad's birthday), on the Eve of Christmas Eve. 

I told Scott that as a child, Christmas Eve was my favorite day because that is when the excitement reached its absolute peak.  Christmas morning is over so quickly, but on Christmas Eve, the anticipation was almost too much to take.

Now, as an adult, I am feeling a bit panicked as the day closes in on us.  And my list is long of what I am hoping to get done.  I talked to my mom today, and she helped me prioritize the list;)  She even suggested that I just throw all of my dirty clothes into a garbage bag, take them with me to Scottsboro, and wash them there.  She is serious, and depending on the level of panic, I might take her up on it.  So, as John slept (he's still sleeping), and I got Ada settled and watching Curious George on television, I took a moment to regroup and refocus by reading today's chapter in Come Thou Long Expected Jesus.  I am desperate for the Lord to meet me in the midst of the self-induced chaos.  I don't want my focus to be on laundry and dishes and clean floors; I want it to be on what took place in Bethlehem on that first Christmas Day.  I want to get it, just a little bit. 

Here is part of what I read.  My favorite part...

The message of Christmas is that God came into the world in all his glory, and what was only a whisper became a shout.  And someday in the future, as we read in the book of Revelation, he will come back in his blazing glory, which Jesus called 'great glory.'  When he comes back in second coming glory, the Bible says the shout will be even louder so that every voice in the universe will cry and shout and sing his praises.

What does this say to us?  We discover in 2 Corinthians 2:18, 'But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.'  The veil is taken away.  The things that were mysterious, troublesome, and confusing have been made clear.  We now behold clearly the glory of the Lord.  It's Christ.  And as we behold him and look at him and gaze on him, we literally become like him. 

Every authentic believer in Christ is being brought to spiritual maturity by that very process.  We're gazing at his glory and being transformed into his image in the process.  (95).

I love this.  In my weekly women's bible study, we have been talking a lot about daily taking the time to simply "behold Christ."  We have discussed disciplining ourselves to search for, study, seek out His glory in everything and then meditate on that glory, on who God is.  I love the passage above because it says that this is the very thing that God uses to sanctify us.  It is never about us, is it?  Even the sanctification process.  It happens as we Behold Him and His glory.  Anyway, it was a nice little "getaway" to read that in the middle of this 23rd day of December, two days before Christmas.  I want to focus on Christ!!!  I want to get what that meant for God to send his son in order that he might die for me.

And I want to find a way to see God's glory in the daily stuff.  In the daily making beauty out of chaos.  That is what we talked/joked about at our last bible study.  How can we see God's glory in the laundry, we asked.  And Jessica mentioned that in the laundry and the straightening and the sweeping and everything else, we are, in fact, making beauty out of chaos.  It is a way that I can reflect him, right?  So...here is what my house looked like at the end of yesterday.  And Ada helped me.  She helped me after several spankings and pleadings and perhaps a raised voice here and there.  But, she did help me. 

Better, right?  Certainly not perfect, but much less chaotic, I think.  And on that note, I need to make my way upstairs to "make some beauty out of chaos" with the master bedroom and the laundry in the hallway. 

Merry Christmas Eve, Eve.  May we experience Him!!!

Idle Time

The above verse is now hanging directly above my kitchen sink.  You know, for when I am tempted to leave the dishes right where they are instead of taking 15 minutes to unload and load the dishwasher each night.

Here's the kicker, though, it is also posted directly above my computer screen.  Yuck.  I love my computer time.  It is my window to that world out there beyond my four walls, my neighborhood, this town.  It also contributes to my idle time more than anything else.  Back in high school, my mom had a bible verse posted right inside the televesion armoire in the living room, so that we would see it every time we wanted to turn on the television.  I can't remember the exact verse--something about keeping our eyes pure, I think.  And I also remember finding a bible verse on modesty hanging in my closet--ha:)  I wasn't thrilled about those reminders back then--I was 16 after all and wanted to watch wanted I wanted to watch and wear what I wanted to wear and somehow separate those things from what the Bible had to say.  Thankfully, my mom was thinking about those things for me.  All of that to say, that I am bound and determined (and praying about it a lot) to figure out how to run this household in a God-glorifying way.  This verse is helping tons.  Instead of focusing on what all needs to be done, I am simply focusing on how I am spending my time.  If I am spending my time well, and the house is a mess at the end of the day--so be it.  If I have wasted much time in the day, and as a result the house is a mess, then I know it wasn't a God-honoring day.  This is the job he has given me.  I want to do it well. 

So, if the blog seems quiet, that is why.  I should add that I have the slowest computer known to man, so my computer time probably equals more idle time than the average joe.  Even tonight as I attempted to blog this, I got up and did things around the kitchen while I waited for different things to load. 

I have been reflecting on the past year A LOT, since it is coming to a close, and I am attempting to change a few things as the new year approaches.  I don't want the pressure of a New Year's resolution, so I am starting mid-November.  And besides, I think biblical, prayerful, self-evaluation is good any time. 

Plus, these kiddos are keeping me busy, busy, busy.  John is so much fun these days.  I can't get over the change in him, and I am soaking it up.  I am thankful to be finding much joy in motherhood lately (mixed in with frustration--OF COURSE).  I have had seasons that were less joyful, so praise the Lord for this easier time. 

Saturday and a Need to Share

Scott has started a little ritual with Ada to go on some sort of "daddy-daughter date" every Saturday.  This usually consists of a trip to the park, which Ada thinks is almost as good as Disney World.  She can't contain her excitement when she hears the word park; in fact her reaction usually causes her to jump up and down or run in circles around the house.  Sometimes they grab a happy meal on the way home, and there was even that time that they went to Six Flags, though that was a Sunday.  Obviously, Scott is establishing this time to create a habit of spending one-on-one time with his daughter while she is still young, in hopes that the ritual will continue as she gets older.  He also does this to get Ada out of the house and give me a little time to myself on Saturdays, since John is usually sleeping while they are gone.

Well, today is a special "daddy-daughter" date.  Scott took Ada to see Toy Story III at a local dollar movie theater.  Ada has never been to a movie theater, and they are both very excited about this outing.  I am sure Scott will blog about the experience later.  That is where they are right now. 

John is sleeping, and I have the Georgia/Vanderbilt game on the television, while I wait for the start of the Auburn game.  I have also been using this rare quiet time to read one of the books I am currently reading. 

You know where this is going, right?

I have something I have to share with somebody.  Scott is gone, so, tag, you're it.  I have to share. 

I am reading (along with a few other books, that I am sure I will mention later) R.C. Sproul Jr.'s, When You Rise Up, subtitled: A Covenantal Approach to Homeschooling.   Thank you, Mary, for lending it to me.  I am loving it, but I am not openly recommending that everyone read it, because if you don't plan to homeschool, you will most likely find the book offensive.  Sproul's tone is rather, um...harsh?  In other words, he doesn't leave room for other life situations other than homeschooling.  Since I plan to homeschool already, I am enjoying the book, but I can also understand why someone else might not like it.  (If you do plan to homeschool, I strongly recommend the book--it's great). 

All of that to say that opinions on homeschooling aside, he has some great things to say on what our goals for parenting should be.  It is convicting, to say the least.  In the chapter that I am reading right now, Sproul outlines three goals of homeschooling, but I would argue that these should be the three goals of parenting, homeschooling or not.  He says that it is our job to teach three G's--who God is, what God has done, and what does God require.  He believes that everything else is just secondary.  So, in the midst of this chapter he poses this question, "Our calling is to tell our children who God is.  This doesn't stop, of course, once they have made a decision for Christ.  This is our eternity, that we will know him better and better on into eternity.  When we wake up each morning, we ought not ask ourselves, 'How can I prepare my child to enter into the nice middle-class world of grown-ups?'  Rather, we should be asking, 'How do I tell my children who God is?" (89-90).  And prior to that he briefly shows what this looks like when he shares a conversation that he had with his son over his son's competitive nature when playing the punch buggy game ( you know, looking for volkswagon bugs?)  He says to his son, "I don't mind you enjoying the game.  It's fun and it's a gift from God.  But it should not mean so much to you.  That's not wise.  That's elevating it to a place where it doesn't belong.  Knowing God is the thing we want.  If you want to be upset about something, be upset that you don't yet know God better, not that your little sister saw the blue punch buggy before you did," (89). 

That conversation made me laugh, but it also convicted me that I should not be upset about the things that I get so upset about--the state of my house, not buying the boots or sweater or whatever that I want to buy, etc. etc. etc., instead, I should be upset that I don't know God better, that I am not longing for Him and his word more!!!  And this is what I should want for my children, and this is what I should teach them--all of the time.

Okay, this is getting super long, but I had to verbally process.  Thanks for letting me.

Confession

May I confess something.

I am experiencing a bit of blog reading burn out.  Or, to be more clear, I am feeling overwhelmed by all of the blogs that I read. 

Let me explain.

My reader is full of several types of blogs--home design, fashion, fashion on a budget, home design on a budget, motherhood, homeschooling, biblical womanhood, couponing, eating real food...you get the drift.  And then there are the blogs of friends, which I am not burned out on, because those feel like getting really fun e-mails everyday.

Well, at the end of the day, when I sit down to catch up on all of these blogs, I begin to hear these voices in my head--everyone has cuter houses than you, cuter clothes than you, cleaner houses than you, more nutritional menus, more money saved, etc. etc. etc.  And I begin to look around at my tiny little attempt to get it all done as a stay-at-home mom, and I even like to think, get it done well, and I begin to feel like a failure.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Some times--lots of times, even-- all of those blogs encourage me, but on a down day, on a day when the house seems particularly messy or Ada seems particularly disobedient or when we had frozen pizza for dinner and we went over budget at the grocery store, the blogs seem to magnify my shortcomings.  Can anyone relate?

Today is one of those days, so I think tomorrow, and the rest of this night, I am going to walk away from the blog reading for a while.  Take an accurate look at what I need to work on around here, and get to it without comparing.  (Which by the way, I don't think any of those blogs are intending to do that--this is simply my sin rising to the surface!!!)

And, before I typed all of this, I also called my mom for a little pep talk, and it helped.  She reminded me that I am not the only person in the world with a messy house.  (Earlier today, I had convinced myself that I was).  This blog world is a bit of a double edged sword.  I love blogging because it makes me feel so much less isolated, but at the same time, it gives my sin of comparison more opportunity to rise to the surface!! 

Oh Lord, give me grace and mercy.  Speak truth to me!!

Quick Post

So...as I have mentioned here and there, we do plan to homeschool our children, which I hesistate to even mention because it always produces a raised eyebrow or two.  And I can never gather my thoughts to stutter my way through an explanation as to why we plan to do this.  I know all the reasons in my head, and the more I read and pray the more I am sure that for now this is how the Lord is leading our family, but I can't articulate all these reasons very well.  Which makes sense considering that my oldest child in only three, and I haven't actually done any true homeschooling yet (though I like to think that is what we are doing every single day). 

Anyway...I just stumbled upon this post, and I immediately wished I could print it and always have it with me if the question comes up, why do you plan to homeschool?  I especially love how she addresses the very real concern of homeschool children being too "sheltered."

Anyway...if you are considering homeschooling, or are even strongly against it, I think this post is a great read to show you the reasons why I am crazy enough to think that I should teach my children at home. As  I read the post all I could think was, yes!!!  yes!!!  and more, YES!!!

p.s. I loved teaching in the public school system, and I had a great public school experience growing up.  My decision to homeschool isn't a decision made "against" public schooling, instead it's a decision made "for" home schooling.  Does that make sense?

The Gospel Truth

Now this, this, is what I want my children (and myself and Scott and all of us) to know and live...

“The secret of gospel change is being convinced that Jesus is the good life and the fountain of all joy. Any alternative we might choose would be the letdown.”

- Tim Chester, You Can Change (Wheaton, Ill.; Crossway, 2010), 15.

(From Of First Importance)

Easter

I actually have things that I want to blog about other than new babies and sleepless nights.  Things like fun spring clothes that are not maternity clothes, and along with that the fact that I am so wanting to lose these last "baby pounds."  But...I need to gather my thoughts on those things.

Until then, I wanted to post this quote from First Importance that I thought was so good as I contemplate the cross a little more than usual during Holy Week.

Aren't we thankful for what was accomplished on the Cross?  Oh man.  How hopeless I would be without it. 

“Every good thing we could think or desire is to be found in this same Jesus Christ alone. For he was sold, to buy us back; captive, to deliver us; condemned, to absolve us. He was made a curse for our blessing, sin offering for our righteousness; marred that we may be made fair.


He died for our life; so that by him fury is made gentle, wrath appeased, darkness turned into light, fear reassured, despisal despised, debt canceled, labor lightened, sadness made merry, misfortune made fortunate, difficulty easy, disorder ordered, division united, ignominy ennobled, rebellion subjected, intimidation intimidated, ambush uncovered, assaults assailed, force forced back, combat combated, war warred against, vengeance avenged, torment tormented, damnation damned, the abyss sunk into the abyss, hell transfixed, death dead, mortality made immortal.

In short, mercy has swallowed up all misery, and goodness all misfortune.”

—John Calvin, preface for Pierre Robert Olivétan’s 1534 French translation of the New Testament

Stone Soup

Last night Ada and I read the book "Stone Soup," so today, soup is cooking in the kitchen. I am reading the book, For The Children's Sake, which spends much time emphasizing the need for children to read real books, not "twaddle," as Charlotte Mason calls those pointless books. She claims that if the adult doesn't enjoying reading the book, then the child probably shouldn't be reading it. Good books can be enjoyed by people of all ages. Does this mean that I am putting Elmo away for good? Of course not. But I do want to make sure that real books are mixed in.

So...we are working on that, and Ada's attention span is increasing. What I do is I mix all the books in together. The Elmo books are there alongside the classics, and I give Ada the freedom to choose which ones to read. Some days are Elmo days, and some days she chooses the meatier ones. Last night she chose "Stone Soup" for the first time, and she was able to sit through it. I was surprised. I don't think she understood a lot of it, but again, based on the book that I am reading, that is okay. The book talks about reading to children without forcing them to "get" certain things. She says that a five year old and a two year old can listen to the same book and walk away with different things, and that is a good thing. In fact, two different five year olds will get different things out of books, and that is also a good thing. Children lose interest when we try to force the facts. Our job? To give them real literature, and then let them do with it what they will.

Anyway, those are just some things I am thinking about as Ada gets older, and I become more interested in her "education."

Again, I ask, what are your favorite "real" children's books? I loved Velveteen Rabbit. Wasn't that a great one?

Grateful

I currently have about 6 lbs of chicken boiling on top of the stove. I plan to cook and shred and freeze the chicken in appropriate portions to be brought out for easy dinner prep after John is born. Boneless, skinless chicken breasts are 1.79/lb at Kroger today, so I am tempted to go back and buy more. I also bought some ground beef on sale with a coupon at Publix, and I am freezing that uncooked, again to be brought out after John is born. I want the freezer good and stocked with easy meal preps. It felt like too much work to actually make the meals ahead of time to freeze, but I think if the meat is there, it will help so very much.

I decided to cook all the chicken on a whim because I am preparing a meal for a family tonight. A family who lost many members of their family in the earthquake in Haiti. Can you believe how close to home this hits? I don't know this family personally. They are neighbors of friends from church, and our community group is providing meals this week. I found some relief in knowing there was something I could do to help out with the Haiti situation--I have felt so helpless, so when this opportunity came up, I jumped on it. Almost as if I could ease my discomfort at being so far removed from the horror of it. I am so comfortable here in my house with my weekly meals and such, and there seems to be some level of guilt in that. I know that God is sovereign, and I can't grasp why He chooses to do what he does, but He sure has given me a comfortable life compared to so many. I am reminded of that truth when I see a Haitian woman delivering a baby in the aftermath of the earthquake, as I prepare to deliver John at the luxurious Northside Hospital. But God is sovereign and He is good, and that is what I rest in.

So, yes, I am grateful for this comfortable life, but I also pray that it would not be a stumbling block--the comfort. That I would still feel my desperate need for him. That I would still feel that desperate longing for Heaven. I don't want to be so comfortable here that I forget that I was not created for this world.

Anyway...on another note, but still on the subject of grateful--we had our third John baby shower yesterday. We celebrated with pizza and cupcakes at Scott's office, and we were showered with even more gifts. We have been given so much. In fact, I don't think I have bought one thing in preparation for this pregnancy, other than paint. And does that even really count? We are overflowing with diapers and little boy clothes and blankets and everything we could need. I truly am overwhelmed at how the Lord has provided in abundance, yet again. I don't have any pictures from the shower, but I do have pictures of Ada enjoying a cupcake after her nap.

When she first woke up from her nap and asked for the cupcake, I felt the word no coming out of my mouth, but then I thought, "why not?" So, I told her she had to stay at the table, and I let her go for it.

Good News on this very cold Thursday Morning

“The heart of most religions is good advice, good techniques, good programs, good ideas, and good support systems. These drive us deeper into ourselves, to find our inner light, inner goodness, inner voice, or inner resources.

Nothing new can be found inside of us. There is no inner rescuer deep in my soul; I just hear echoes of my own voice telling me all sorts of crazy things to numb my sense of fear, anxiety, and boredom, the origins of which I cannot truly identify.

But the heart of Christianity is Good News. It comes not as a task for us to fulfill, a mission for us to accomplish, a game plan for us to follow with the help of life coaches, but as a report that someone else has already fulfilled, accomplished, followed, and achieved everything for us.”

—Michael Horton, The Gospel-Driven Life (Grand Rapids, MI; Baker Books, 2009), 20

(From Of First Importance)

Long lay the world world in sin and error pining
Til he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Weary is a good word to describe how I have been feeling lately. Weary of budgeting and finances; weary of housekeeping and the mess that never ends; weary of braxton hicks contractions and many, many extra pounds to carry around. What a reminder that anything that might make me weary this morning has been answered in the birth and death of Christ!! I pray that I might rejoice today in spite of trivial circumstances that might make me feel discouraged!!

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger
In all our trials born to be our friend

Great Reminder

I am absolutely stealing this from another blog--one of my favorite blogs of all, in fact--but I really wanted to pass it on. It is such a good reminder of why I need to be in the word every single day--even when life is crazy and hectic in the midst of Holidays and preparing for a new baby and general grumpiness:) (this is when I especially need to be in the word, I suppose).


“Man does not live by bread alone,” God declares in Deuteronomy 8:3, “but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”

Just as we can’t survive without physical food, neither can we thrive without spiritual food. We cannot live without God’s Word. As our bodies require daily physical nourishment, so our souls need daily spiritual nourishment.Our morning bowl of cereal won’t sustain us for three weeks. Neither can our souls subsist on one dose of God’s Word.

As D.L Moody explains:

“A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God’s boundless store of grace from day to day as we need it.”

We can’t truly live unless we sit and listen. So let’s daily “take in a supply of grace” through God’s Word and prayer.

thank you, Girl Talk!!

Thursday

Note: I wrote this Friday morning, but because life happens, I am just now posting it. I wanted to post it despite the time delay since it was already written.

Yesterday was a good day.

After spending all morning checking off tasks, I realized that Ada was very restless, and I needed to get that little girl outside. I told her that if she would give me a half hour to take a shower and get dressed, we could then spend a long time out in the backyard. She agreed.

The weather was gorgeous. It was cool enough for long sleeves and shoes, but sunny enough to be very comfortable. Here is what we did. Hannah and Ada made up this game. They scoop up grass clippings and the clippings serve as various objects--food, drink, etc.

Ada announced that the grass clippings inside this cup were "foffee" (coffee, for those of you who don't speak 'two'). After being at Near's for a week, Ada fixes me "foffee" quite often.

And now she is gathering the ingredients for soup. Yum.
Bubbles were also on the agenda, along with sidewalk chalk. The chalk was extra fun because it was wet from the rain earlier in the week. It gave the chalk a paint like consistency.
When I wasn't being served "foffee," I was sitting in the sun reading this book.Have you read it? It's a good one. Wow.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from today's chapter.

The gospel is not at all what we would come up with on our own. I, for one, would expect to honor the virtuous over the profligate. I would expect to have to clean up my act before even applying for an audience with a Holy God. But Jesus told of God ignoring a fancy religious teacher and turning instead to an ordinary sinner who pleads, "God, have mercy." Throughout the Bible, in fact, God shows a marked preference for 'real' people over 'good' people. In Jesus' own words, 'There will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.'" (54)

Grace is shockingly personal. As Henri Nowen points out, 'God rejoices. Not because the problems of the world have been solved, not because all human pain and suffering have come to an end, nor because thousands of people have been converted and are now praising him for his goodness. No, God rejoices because one of his children who was lost has been found."

Finally, I loved how Philip Yancy ended the chapter,

Mozart's Requiem contains a wonderful line that has become my prayer, one I pray with increasing confidence, 'Remember, merciful Jesu, That I am the cause of your journey." I think he remembers.

All of the above sections of the chapter reminded me of a chapter we recently read in my Thursday women's bible study. As I have mentioned, we are studying the Psalms, and a few weeks ago, we studied Psalm 103, which we all agreed is a strikingly beautiful Psalm. Read it and study it if you haven't, or even if you have.

Here is my favorite portion,

He does not deal with us according to our sins,

nor repay us according to our iniquities

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

As a father shows compassion to his children,

so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

For he knows our frame;

he remembers that we are dust.

Psalm 103: 10-14

Daily I am thankful that He remembers that I am nothing but dust, yet he loves me anyway.

What a merciful God we serve!!!

p.s. for some unknown reason, blogger is not letting me put space between my paragraphs. I apologize because it makes for some unpleasant reading.

What we should do with scripture

It's Thursday, which means tonight I have women's bible study.

I love Thursday nights. It is such a treat for me to leave Ada at home with Scott and spend time studying the word and discussing truth with women who love the Lord. It is one of my favorite times during the week.

As I already mentioned, we are studying Psalms, and specifically we are learning how to meditate on the Psalms and pray them back to God.

This weeks Psalm is 119, which is the longest chapter in the Bible. So Tim Keller has us looking at only verses 1-16 this week. The theme of the Psalm is the word of God. We begin by listing all the names and synonyms for scripture--and there are lots. Law, testimonies, precepts, statutes, commandments, and the list goes on.

Then, we are to list all of the things we are supposed to do with Scripture. It's a convicting list ya'll. Listen to this.

We are to walk in it, keep it diligently, seek it with our whole heart, keep our eyes fixed on it, learn it and guard our way according to it, store it, declare it with our lips, delight in it, meditate on it, and not forget it. Wow, right?

How little time I spend each day in the Word. Some days I spend no time in the Word. So I am thinking through what the above list looks like on a daily basis. What is the practical application here? Is is just to do my bible study every morning, or is it more than that?

I know that I must make it a priority. Especially when I am facing the task of being a wife and a mom and just living life on a daily basis. Here is where I will find truth and guidance and instruction and rebuke. And yet I spend more time watching Gilmore Girls than I do in his word. Hmmm...it gives me much to think about.

What Shall I Render to the Lord?

With fall and the start of school, everything else begins to "crank back up" at church--community groups, discipleship groups, etc. etc.

This fall, my women's discipleship group (the one I am a part of, not the one that I own or lead) is doing a Tim Keller bible study on praying the Psalms. Well, if you have been reading this blog for any length of time then you know that I am huge Keller fan. He "came into my life" at a very crucial time in my Graduate School days when many of my beliefs were being challenged by my English professors. Keller had answers to all of those challenges through his clear explanation of how the gospel is so very different from religion. Anyway, all of that to say, that I am very excited about studying the Psalms and studying how to pray because this is a subject I don't know tons about.

I have spent lots of time praying in my lifetime, beginning when I was a small child, but I haven't spent lots of time studying how to pray. The study I am doing now uses the Psalms as a guide, as a place to learn how to speak the language of prayer. And though I am only one week into the study, I have already learned, shock of all shocks, that prayer is not about me and my needs, but it is instead, about God and his glory. I have also realized, again shock of all shocks, that I tend to make it about me--as I do with most things in life.

In the study we are practicing how to take the prayers found in the Psalms and make them our own. Last week we looked at Psalm 116, and in verse 12-13, David (? my bible doesn't say, is this a Psalm of David?) asks, "What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord." How often do I try to lift up my own goodness, my own "works" to the Lord, when in reality those works are simply filthy rags? What a reminder to me that all I have to offer up to the Lord in Thanksgiving is what he has done for me in Christ Jesus--my cup of salvation.

Recent events have caused me to think much about sin and the nature of sin in our lives, and how truly, our only hope is this cup of salvation. Apart from him and his death on the cross we have no good thing!!! But what hope we do have in that cup.

We sang a favorite hymn of mine this past Sunday at church, and I want to close with those words. I love them so because there is so much truth and Hope!!! in them.

Jesus, I my cross have taken, all to leave and follow Thee.
Destitute, despised, forsaken, Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition, all I've sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition! God and heaven are still my own.

Let the world despise and leave me, they have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me. Thou art not, like them, untrue.
O while Thou dost smile upon me, God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me, Show Thy face and all is bright.

Man may trouble and distress me, Twil but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me; Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, tis not in grief to harm me while Thy love is left to me;
Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me, Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Go, there, earthly fame and treasure, Come disaster, scorn and pain
In Thy service, pain is pleasure, With Thy favor, loss is gain
I have called Thee Abba Father, I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather
all must work for good to me.

Soul, then know thy full salvation; Rise o'er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station, Something still to do or bear
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father's smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine.

A Favorite Book

When I found out I was pregnant with Ada, Scott and I were very much newlyweds. We were six months into marriage, and we were still figuring out how marriage worked. Let's be honest, we are now working on our fourth year and we don't have it yet, but it sure does seem easier now.

Anyway, it was quite overwhelming for us to face the task of parenting when we felt so young and insecure. How could we, hardly knowing each other yet, learn how to parent together? God has been so very gracious to us, by the way, as Scott and I seem more in harmony than ever before, and I think it is because God has used the parenting of Ada to sanctify our marriage. It has been such an encouraging experience.

So, there we were, dealing with the reality of my first pregnancy, and I was desperate for guidance and instruction and wisdom. So, I did what I always do in desperate situations, I began to read. I didn't know much about what mothering would be like, but I knew that I so wanted this child of ours to know and love the Lord and His gospel above all else. I wanted our family to be about making His kingdom known. And so I bought the book, Raising your children for Christ by Andrew Murray. It's a good one ya'll.

I sat in our tiny, concrete, basement apartment pouring over its pages, desperate to know how to be a parent. And it was as I read this book, that I first began to question what it meant for Ada to be a "covenant child." What did it mean that the Lord allowed Ada to be born into a believing family. And by believing family, I mean she is surrounded by grandparents and aunts and uncles who love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, and mind. She clearly was a blessed child.

So, as I think about Ada's baptism (and this is not that post; that will come in a few days, I think), I return to this favorite book. And now that I am once again carrying a child inside of me, I again think about what it means to parent in such a way as to bring glory to the Lord. This book is chock full of encouraging and practical words, and it opens with this thought, that I want to share with you,

The establishment of a home of love like that in Heaven was to be the highest privilege of man. However, sin came in and brought about man's ruin. The father makes the child a partaker of a sinful nature, and the father himself feels too sinful to be a blessing to the child. Then the homes become too often the path not to heaven, but to hell. But what sin destroys, grace restores! God's grace points back to the restoration of what he intended at creation. It was God's plan for the family with its love and its training of the children to reflect the fellowship of God's home and the love of the Father in Heaven.

Every parent who is aware of his own shortcomings and longs for wisdom and grace must look to the heavenly origin of family life. The God who created it has also redeemed it and makes it new. He watches over each family with tender interest, and gives his own Father-love to every parent who desires to be the minister of His holy purpose.

If this is your desire, begin by making God's thoughts your thoughts. Begin to see the fatherhood and the family on earth as the image and the likeness of the heavenly original. Look to God as the author of your family life and count on him to give you all that is needed to make it what it should be. Let his Father-heart and his Father-love be your security. As you trust in His adoring love, the assurance will grow that He will enable you to make your home the bright reflection of His own.

(Murray, 11-12)

Thoughts on infant baptism from one who doesn't fully understand

As of late, Ada has developed quite the fondness for prayer. I think it's like a fun little game to her, but I, of course, don't discourage "the game." It's been very fulfilling to begin to talk to her about God as creator. Of course she doesn't understand the idea of creator, but I think she is beginning to understand that God is the one we thank. He is the giver of good gifts. So this is how it goes.

We are riding in the car, or playing at the park, or in the middle of dinner, and Ada says, "I want pray." And so we pray. I say, "Dear God..." and she repeats something of that sort, and then she names things that she wants to thank God for. It begins with people, all of the people who are important to her, and the list is long. All of the family on both sides, and then her different little friends, and, of course, Elmo. And I add words, such as, "thank you for Elmo. Thank you for giving us fun things that bring joy and delight to our life." Because I guarantee that Ada truly is very thankful for Elmo. She loves him so. And then we move on to inanimate objects.

We thank God for shoes and for water and balloons, anything that happens to be in sight. And then we start over with the people. God is using this little game in my life. He is using this to show me what a comfortable, easy life I live. I am thankful for shoes. That Ada's feet are protected. She has several pairs to choose from. Ada wants for nothing. Her stomach is not swollen with hunger, she is healthy and well with clean water to drink and money to pay for vaccines and medical bills. She is thankful for cars, she told me today, and I prayed and said that I was thankful for our cars also. That we have money for gasoline and that we have cars that run and take us to where we need to go.

I am thankful for quality care for this baby that is growing inside of me. I am thankful for medication to cut through the sickness and give me relief during this first trimester. The list is long, my friends. Ada has shown me that. There is much to be thankful for.

A while ago, a blogging friend of mine, Rachel, asked me to explain why we chose to baptize Ada, and if we will baptize this little munchkin on the way. That question has led me to re-visit all of the reasons why we chose to baptize Ada because you should know, my background is Baptist, not Presbyterian, so I am a believer in baptism after coming to know Christ personally. And we certainly don't believe that Ada already has a personal relationship with Christ. This new habit of praying together throughout the day, per Ada's request, has really caused me to think about what it meant when we baptized Ada.

Please know that I am no expert. In fact, before we baptized her, I searched the scriptures and I talked to our pastor and another guy on staff. I read lots of books, and I asked lots of questions, and still, questions remained. To be honest, lots of questions remained as Ada was baptized, but I stepped out on faith. I decided that for this season, the Lord has us in this church, and I will trust those in leadership, and we baptized her. In spite of those questions, there are things that I understood the baptism to mean.

I think it means things for us, the parents. It is a public declaration of thanks. We understand that to be parents is a gift, an undeserving one, and we are thankful that God is the author and creator of life. We are thankful that he created Ada's life and that he entrusted us with her. We confess in front of a congregation of God's people that we don't take that responsibility lightly. We confess that we are in no way capable of the task. We are unworthy, and we are only able to do this with Christ working his grace in us. And of course, it is a symbol of our handing Ada back to God. She is his; He is free to do what he wills with her. As her parents we are committed to knowing Him and making Him known above all else.

There is also this idea of obedience; this idea that we are commanded to baptize our children. That is where many of my questions lie. Again, it is not black and white to me. I have a heavy Baptist background, and it is hard for me to see a clear command in the scripture that we are to baptize our children. I understand where this argument comes from, but I am not sure that I 100% agree. Still, we chose to baptize Ada. Because for now, we are in a church that believes this is a command.

Because this post is getting quite long, I will post later about what we believe baptism to mean for Ada. I hope I have been clear. It is hard to write about this subject because it is one that I don't fully understand.