My sick little girl

Ada had her very first sick pediatrician appointment today. And she was not too happy about it. If you will recall, our last well visit did not go so well. Ada was terrified of everything. Well, I am convinced that Ada remembered the doctor because as soon as he walked into the room today, Ada began to absolutely flip out. Flip out. She grabbed onto my shirt so tightly, that Scott had to peel her off of me. She needed to lie down on the table for him to check her ears, nose, and throat. In the midst of her screaming, she kept shaking her head saying no, a word that she knows so well. Fairly quickly, I was able to pick her up and hold her for the rest of the examination, but she didn't calm down until we were out of the office. It was not good, and I was so very thankful that today was Scott's work from home day, and he was able to go with us. I needed moral support!

I mentioned that she has had a cold all week, which made for a stressful visit home. She didn't sleep very well at night, and she took very short morning naps. She has stayed in a terrible mood, at times crying for no apparent reason, and I have been unable to comfort her. When this continued this morning, I decided to take her to the doctor for my peace of mind. Sure enough, she has an ear infection, which I think explains the cranky mood. The doctor prescribed ear drops and an antibiotic. Scott and I laughed because the antibiotic had a warning that it would interfere with birth control. I think Ada would have been okay without the warning:) Question for moms out there, will the antibiotic give her a yeast infection? I don't know if it has that affect on 13 month old little girls. I want to be prepared for that, and I wonder if there are ways to prevent that from happening. It will make me so sad if she ends up with a yeast infection. Seriously, mom readers, any advice, previous experience with antibiotics, etc? I will be sure to feed her lots of yogurt just in case.

So...13 months into life, and she is officially sick for the first time. Of course, she has had several colds, but this is the first time she has had to go to the doctor for any reason other than a routine visit. A rite of passage, I suppose.

Finally...my little girl

Remember this hair...

It has turned into this...

we unexpectedly traveled home this past week. My parents were in Marietta for a funeral, and Ada's photography session was cancelled at the last minute (our photographer is pregnant and on bed rest). We found all of this out Wednesday morning. Ada and I quickly packed our bags--or I tried to pack faster than Ada could unpack, and, by some miracle, we made it to Marietta by lunch time. There my mom got in the car with me, and we headed to Scottsboro for a few days. Ada ended up with a terrible cold, which resulted in terrible sleep, which resulted in the attitude you see below...
She wanted the camera, and, obviously, I wouldn't give it to her.

Playing so hard with toys that I used to play with as a child.

I have just finished tutoring, and I am exhausted. I am sure, if you are a faithful reader, you have noticed my lack of blogging lately. The tutoring is really taking away from my blogging time. Even now, I am dying to get off the computer and relax, but even more than that, I was dying to post these long overdue photos.

I will be back soon with more of an update from our trip home, and updates on life in general. I hope everyone had a great weekend and a great Monday.

Life as a working mom...sort of

Well, the tutoring started this week, and it has been quite the adjustment. Scott and I feel like we are running a relay race. He gets home from work, and I pass him the Ada baton as he passes me the work baton. I try to have dinner in the oven when he gets home, I then go for a quick run to get some fresh air before sitting in front of the computer for four hours, and he begins Ada duty and all that it entails. After running, I shower, and plant myself in front of the computer for the rest of the night. Scott gets dinner out of the oven and brings me a plate to eat while I tutor. He does bath and bed duty as well as most of the kitchen clean up. He always brings Ada to see me for a little while before he puts her to bed. Then at 9:30ish, depending on the current tutoring session, I am done for the night, and we finally sit down together to enjoy some mutal down time. It is exhausting, but so encouraging to know that extra money is now coming in. And, praise God, I am able to work and stay at home with Ada. We can't describe how thankful we are.

Next week I will be adding some in-home tutoring to the mix, which I am even more excited about. I love the thought about an actual student, an actual personality, not just words on the screen. Plus in-home tutoring pays quite a bit more than online tutoring. So of course we are thankful for that. It is quite the juggle for us right now, but it is just a season, and we are thankful for this season. Plus it has been very fun for me to begin to talk English again, with students. Real students, writing essays. I love it.

p.s. we switched the menu around and had the zucchini pie tonight. We loved it. Another hit from Pillsbury. We thought it was heavy enough for the main dish. So yummy.

Another Monday

which means it's time for the week's menu. We are using a lot of what we already have in the pantry because I spent a chunk of the week's budget on some great non-food items at CVS. I stocked up on Purex laundry detergent. Purex was on sale for 2.99, I had coupons for .50 off, and I received one extra buck for each bottle I purchased. So, I purchased three bottles for 7.50, and I got 3.00 to use on my next CVS purchase. Almay and Covergirl make up was also on sale, and I had coupons, so I stocked up on those as well. Plus I received 3 extra bucks for the cover girl makeup. And I bought a huge thing of Scott paper towels on sale+coupons+extra bucks. It was a good CVS run. All of that to say, our menu is rather boring and repetitive. But we won't go hungry:)

Remember, I start on Fridays.

Friday night--dinner out with Scott and Ada

Saturday--grill out at a friend's house, dinner whatever we can find (weren't super hungry after the big lunch)

Sunday--Shane's Barbecue for lunch, whatever we can find for dinner (again, full from lunch)

Monday--grilled hotdogs, need to use up from last week

Tuesday--bean soup, again using what we already have

Wednesday--leftovers or veggie stir fry and fried rice (note: though this is always on the menu as a back up plan, we haven't actually eaten it in a few weeks. This week we plan to actually eat it)

Thursday--Italian Zucchini Crescent Pie (had a can of crescent rolls in the fridge). The only new recipe I am trying this week. We will most likely eat this with broccoli and some sort of bread.


Lunches--PB&J and dinner leftovers

Breakfast--kashi waffles (my freezer is still stocked from the great Target sale), south beach bars, pop tarts (again, leftover from great Target sale), and whatever else we can find.


Snacks--yogurt, chex mix (leftover from last week's sale), multi grain cheerios (Ada), peanut butter and crackers

As always, find more great meal ideas at organizing junkie.

Why I am a stay at home mom: Part 2

I said in my last SAHM installment that I would tell about college next, but I realized there is not much to say that is significant. In college I thought that it would be so much fun to be a wife and mom--full time. That's just what I thought. I wasn't thinking through everything very well because I also thought that it would be fun to somehow (this is an impossible thought!!) to stay in school forever, get my PhD and teach at the college level. Turns out I wasn't cut out for that:) But I loved the education part of college; I truly did, and I am not sure why it never crossed my mind that I might struggle with staying at home one day. Honestly, I think in the back of my mind actually making it to marriage and motherhood seemed such a foreign concept, that I always let myself only dwell on what was feasible without a man being interested in me. And if I did think about marriage and children, it was all this perfect little fantasy world that I created. See this post for more details on that.

Anyway...it wasn't until I found myself six months into marriage, loving my job as a teacher to my crazy students, and unexpectedly pregnant, that I was forced to really examine the issue. For me it was never a question as to whether or not I would stay at home, but I did need to have a good grasp on the biblical reasons why I thought I should stay at home because my flesh was not wanting to give up the fulfillment of a job and a paycheck. And, honestly, because of my sinful flesh, I have to go back to these verses over and over and over everyday in order to find joy in motherhood. I love Ada. She is the most precious thing to me. I find such delight in being her mom and watching her play and loving on her, but, and this is a big but, I get very lonely and isolated and I often don't feel very important. And then I look at these verses. And there really isn't anything more important than raising children.

Before I discuss these verses please know that I am certainly no theologian and I am not even a very experienced mom. I am mom to one 13 month old. I have SO MUCH MORE to learn!!!!!!!!! But, I can at least pass these verses on, so that if someone is wanting to search the scriptures for what God has to say about parenting, well here is a start. Everything else that I say is just my opinion that I have come to after studying these and praying. Please know that the only truth I know is the word of God. How I have interpreted these scriptures is not truth. It is simply my interpretation.

Here goes.

Psalm 51:5-6 says, Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

David writes this after Nathan confronts him about his relationship with Bathsheba. To me, it is just one verse that points out the truth, that the tiny, precious baby that you first meet in the hospital, is born in iniquity and in sin. That baby is sinful by nature. Before he or she can even speak or act, he or she is sinful. And God desires truth and wisdom in the heart of that child.

Then Proverbs 22:15 says Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

However the rod is interpreted, one thing is clear here, a child must be disciplined in order for folly to be driven out of his or her heart. Discipline is a tool that God uses to establish truth and wisdom in the heart of a child.

Deut. 6:4-9 says Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

My version, I have to be teaching my children to love the Lord with all of their heart soul and might ALL OF THE TIME. When we sit and rise and lie down and walk and ALL OF THE TIME. And then teach it some more. I have a 13 month old--13 months. And already, she loves Ada with all of her heart, soul, and might. She wants what is best for Ada. What is most comfortable and fun for Ada. And she wants it right when the desire hits. Someone has to drive that folly out of her heart. I believe that I (along with Scott, of course) am the tool that God will use to drive that folly away. To replace that love for Ada with a love for God. I want to teach it so much that Ada gets tired of hearing it, and then I want to teach it some more. And at 13 months, we wake up, and she starts testing the boundaries--most days it is a constant testing of boundaries, and it is mostly maddening, to be honest. But I must be diligent and consistent, and that is what we do all day. I believe training begins at day one. She is born in iniquity!!! And I must teach her ALWAYS.

Finally, Titus 2:3-5 says, Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Okay, so as a woman, and a mother, what are my biblical responsibilities. Well first and foremost, I must pray for wisdom and discernment and guidance that I might drive that folly out of little Ada's heart. That I might teach her in such a way that she understands her need, her desperate need, to love God with all of her heart and soul and might. I am to work at home. I mean, it's right there, folks. I have to be a worker at home. Now, what this looks like--I don't know. If a person can make those two things a priority and still work outside of the home, so be it. I cannot. Honestly, I am not so good at teaching Ada and working at home even without an outside job. And I am praying diligently that the Lord would show me how to manage this new tutoring job. I firmly believe that it cannot take precedent over my primary role as mother and wife.

I know that it is often said that a person can't afford to stay at home, and I know that might be true. This is what Scott and I had to ask ourselves when we felt that we could honestly say we couldn't afford it. What can we not afford? Is what we can't afford an absolute necessity? And again, I have to ask myself, what will bring the most glory to God? That is the ultimate question. I want Scott's life to glorify God, my life to glorify God, and Ada's life to glorify God. Practically, what does that look like. In what way is God leading us to live in order for that to happen. At times when I was teaching, I--Laura Beth--felt very glorified, and it was fun. I liked praise. Don't we all? And, of course, there was much about my teaching job that glorified God as well. We are always to work as if working for the Lord. For me, looking at all aspects of our situation, was I to work outside of the home, I would most likely not be working as if working for the Lord. Again, this is just my story. And ya'll, God has provided. He has abundantly provided. Our budget is so stinking tight, and the majority of the time we aren't sure how it's all going to get paid for--BUT IT DOES. God provides in abundance. And now, when things are even tighter, he has provided work that allows me to continue to stay at home. It is one day at at time. He promises daily bread for this day. God shows up to meet my physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. He shows up every time.

And, I am so far from arriving. I am not good with submission, I am not good at housekeeping, I am not good at teaching and training, and I am not good at much. My sinful nature shows up over and over throughout the day. Scott laughs at the word kind in the verse from Titus. I am most often not kind. All I can do is pray that God does his thing--reconciles me to Christ--changes me--shapes me--makes me a new creation in Him. And I am desperate for him to do the training of Ada for me. I am just a vessel. That is all. Apart from him, Ada and I are helpless, absolutely helpless.

More verses worth checking out: Deut. 4:9-10, Deut. 6:6-9, Deut. 11:18-19, Prov. 13:24, 19:18, 22:6, 22:15, 22:13-14, 29:15, 29:17, 14:1, 31:27, 6:20, Eph. 6:1-4, Col. 3:21, Titus 2:3-5, Psalms 51:5, 1 Sam. 3:13

Glory Hallelujah, the hours are rolling in

You are reading the blog of a working woman, guys. 18 HOURS next week!! With tutor.com. After being employed with Educate Online since February and getting ZERO!!! hours for the past month or so, Scott and I are in amazement that I have hours. Glorious, glorious hours. And I will be tutoring actual English students. Helping with essays and such. It is going to be crazy for a while, working so many hours at night, but my pay check will be directly deposited into our savings account and once the emergency fund builds up and the debt snowball gets rolling, I will cut back a lot. Ten hours a week is the eventual goal. Two hours right when Scott gets home is the plan. And, I set my own schedule every Friday, so this week I am working 18 hours. If we find that 18 hours is just not doable, then I can take less next week. I am just thankful to have them. So thankful. I feel like doing a victory dance, and we can see the light at the end of the financial tunnel. Plus, if things get super tight again, I can work as many as 30 hours one week if absolutely needed. It's just nice to have something to fall back on. And because I make my schedule every Friday, I can schedule hours around any clients that I get through Club Z Tutoring. There is no doubt--God is faithful.

Friday afternoon I was have a particularly down moment. I was sitting on the kitchen floor and Ada was playing, so oblivious to our financial woes, and I just began to pray out loud, asking for some sort of encouragement. Anything. And I went upstairs, put Ada down for her nap, and I sat down to check my e-mail. According to Tutor.com, it would take 30 days for all of my paperwork to go through, and yet, after two days there sat an e-mail telling me that I could schedule hours. And schedule I did. We are beyond encouraged.

What's the real issue here?

I have noticed something since getting married, money, or lack there of, really allows heart sin to rise to the surface. Money has a way of making things easier, happier, and covering those things that we don't want to deal with. Take the money away, and I am forced to face my issues. Money has a way of padding the real issues. Making life a little more comfy.

It's no secret that, for us, money is scarce these days. Thankfully, one of the reasons it is so scarce is because we are (finally) getting responsible with our spending and realizing what we can and can't afford. And in the process, I am being broken, and (please God) changed.

I am currently reading A.W. Tozer's The Pursuit of God, and in his book he writes,

There is within the human heart a tough, fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always possess. It covets things with a deep and fierce passion. The pronouns my and mine look innocent enough in print, but their constant and universal use is significant. They express the real nature of the old Adamic man better than a thousand volumes of theology could do. They are verbal symptoms of our deep disease. The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up one rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution, (30-31).

Well, there you have it, folks, the state of my heart. Always wanting to possess things. Always looking for what will be most comfortable. Willing to do whatever it takes to be comfortable. ALWAYS forgetting that it is God, and God only, that completes me, fills that longing, that God-shaped hole. This week as Ada and I spent lots of time at home, unable to run to the store for this or that, unable to drive through Sonic for a quick diet coke to get me through the afternoon, I was forced to really evaluate what my needs are. And, wow, are my needs met. If we are only talking about needs, well, my cup runneth over!! My pantry is stocked full of good, healthy food. I have a closet full of clothing. I have a comfortable home. And yesterday, Ada and I headed out for a walk to "town" to buy a diet coke. I am healthy, with two working legs, that can get me where I need to go. I tend to have such a distorted view of what I really, really need. Oh, Lord, please change me. Give me a glimpse of the wealth that I possess.

Yes, I am learning to be frugal out of necessity, but I pray that the changes that I am making will always be around, even years down the road when Lord willing, money isn't quite so scarce. I am reminded that God works all things for my good. And by good, I think he means, he works all things together to sanctify me. Because that is my ultimate good--sanctification--a life that glorifies him. So, he uses these little insignificant things, like no gas money or not shopping at the stores I want to shop at, to create in me a heart that glorifies him.