And here goes,
I keep thinking that my "vision" is getting better. That through the pruning of life, you know, the sanctification process, that I will begin to automatically see the good thing that God is doing in the midst of the bad. And yet, I keep proving that I am not there yet.
When our car was on fire, on fire!!!, I began to list all of the bad things this meant. In my mind, and some out loud. I would have to cancel the beach trip, which I was dreaming of in a big way, and I would have to cancel my gym membership because there would be no way to get there. And I had just said that the gym membership was such an answer to prayer. I wanted to stomp my feet in anger and frustration. Maybe just throw myself on the ground and kick and scream the way John is prone to do when he hears the words nap time.
And now, a little over a week later, it looks like we don't have to cancel the beach trip (we can't believe it!!) and soon we will own a mini van. A much needed new vehicle, that we thought we needed to wait to get. And we are using a borrowed car in the mean time, so we are frequenting the gym as much as ever.
The point is, my vision is so flawed. God has shown me his goodness over and over again, but in the midst of a crazy life situation, I often choose to see his sovereignty and not his goodness. I choose to see all the hard things that have happened and not the ways that God has provided beyond what we even knew we needed. He's at it again. I agree that he is behind it all, but I forget that every single thing that touches me is done out of love and kindness and mercy and grace. I want to see that first, and rest in that in the midst of the crazy.