Monday, June 17, 2013

Shout Out to Firehouse Subs

Yesterday was Father's Day, obviously, and Scott's gift was to go see the new Superman (?) movie.  Well, about 30 minutes before he was supposed to leave to go to the movie, I got one of my massive, only-when-pregnant, make-me-sick, can't-do-anything-but-lie-there, headaches.  But I really wanted Scott to go to the movie.  He loves movies, and he never ever goes.  It's just not in the cards during this season of life, and I drop the ball, big time, about making time for him to go.  So, it was the obvious thing for him to do on Father's Day.  Plus, he had invited two friends, it was time for him to go, etc. etc. etc. 

So, though he graciously offered to stay with me and my headache, I set the kids up with some cartoons on the computer and got myself comfy on the couch to ride out the headache.  And that was how we spent the afternoon.  I mean, so many cartoons, way more than a kid should get to watch at one time, but I was just surviving the headache.  At one point I did have to rally and come up with some type of edible something to call dinner for the kids.  And I managed to clean the kitchen and fold a load of laundry or two, but it was basically kids watching cartoon, mom lying on the couch. 

Because of the headache, I had felt sick all afternoon, and I couldn't think of anything that sounded good to eat.  Well around 8:00 pm, it hit me, a roast beef sandwich from Firehouse Subs, which I had only had one time--while I was pregnant with John--but I still remembered it, and I had to have it.  So, we got the kids ready for bed, started reading (all of this takes a while), and as Scott is in the middle of the bible story, he realizes it's 8:50, and that Firehouse Subs probably closed at 9.  We both went into panic mode--over a sub--but it was a desperate situation.  I promise.  He basically threw the bible at me, grabbed his flip flops, and ran out the door, as the kids sat staring in confusion. 

And then John proceeded to turn on his new three year old routine which consists of being as completely uncooperative as possible.  And my head still hurt, and I was hungry, and I thought I might cry because all I could think was that Firehouse was going to close and I was stuck doing bed time alone for no reason at all. 

But Scott, who is such a gift from the Lord, because instead of writing off my craving as silly and unimportant, called Firehouse Subs and begged them not to close.  He told them he had a pregnant wife who was craving a sandwich, and could they please make it for him and he would be there in five minutes to pick it up.  And ya'll, they were very kind and said, of course they would do that for me.  And they even gave me five pickles because they knew I was pregnant.  And I ate every single one. 

That sandwich, those pickles, I have never tasted anything so wonderful.  I have feeling I will eat a million more of those sandwiches before this baby is born!  thank goodness for firehouse subs.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

From Their Perspective

I say that I am not thinking about this baby as much as I did Ada or even John, but at the same time, having two older siblings, this baby is certainly not forgotten.  There is much talk from Ada about the newest addition.  For example, she keeps mentioning how she is going to feed the baby a bottle, and I don't want to burst her bubble, but if the baby follows in John's footsteps, there won't be any bottles.  But I am not counting on anything, though of course I am praying for a nurser ;), and we will give it our best shot. 

It has been very fun for Ada to be five, almost six, this time around, and for her to much more understand what is happening.  We have big plans to attend a big sibling class at the hospital, and she has lots of questions about "when will we feel the baby kick?"  "how big is the baby now?" "what is the baby doing right now?"  and on and on.  Plus, she and John like to "hug" my stomach as if they are hugging the baby. 

John, of course, adds his own humorous perspective.  For example, I explained in very simple terms how the baby comes out, so now, every single time I have to go to the bathroom, John comes running after me asking in a panicked voice, "is the baby coming out?!!!!"  He also often sticks about ten cars up his shirt at once and says, "mom, look at my babies in my tummy," and then they all fall out, and he yells, "ahhh, my babies!!!"  He also refers to all of his toy story characters as his babies.  He also purposefully tries to punch and kick my stomach, so he gets in trouble for that a lot.  When I tell him to stop, he asks innocently, "why, am I hurting the baby?"  such. a. stinker.

Ada is really counting on a girl, so I keep warning her that it could easily be a boy.  She does not want to come with us to find out because she thinks it will be easier to hear the news from us rather than the ultrasound tech.  We find out in a few weeks.  If Ada mentions that she wants a girl, John quickly says he wants it to be a boy, but I think it's just for argument's sake. 

In other exciting news, Scott just got a promotion, a promotion we have been hoping for and hearing about for a few months now, and it was the green light we were waiting for to look for a larger house.  So, that is a HUGE answer to prayer for so many reasons.  We are hoping to find a place where we can settle down for a while, so we are going to be a little more picky.  Based on that, there's still a huge chance we won't find what we are looking for before the baby arrives.  But I am certainly praying that we can be moved before then.  Now that reality is sinking in that we are putting a third child into this tiny house, I feel a bit overwhelmed.  It's going to be tight, but I know people throughout history have lived in much tighter quarters, or that's what I keep telling myself--as I pray for something bigger ;) 

Yikes, this is yet another post with no pictures.  Mainly I wanted to add a positive note about the light hearted things that have been a part of this pregnancy.

We actually had a terrible day today, nothing major, just things like the kitchen sink clogging up and John not napping and spilled diet coke all over the carpet (which I was only drinking to fight off a headache, because I still don't really like the taste).  Okay, terrible is the wrong choice of words, exhausting is more accurate, so I needed a reminder of the good.  The happy memories we are building.  And of course, we are so thankful that I am pregnant at all.  What a gift!!!

pictures just to add some visual to this post

Saturday, June 8, 2013

The Third Baby

This pregnancy is moving right along.  So different from the ones before it.  Time just keeps passing, and my main focus, of course, is on Ada and John.  You know how it is with that first pregnancy.  It's all I thought about it.  Ada, Ada, Ada, all of the time.  And I will be really honest with you, I hardly remember being pregnant with John.  Maybe that's how this will feel when I look back.

In the midst of it, I certainly know I'm pregnant, but I spend less time imagining this little person that is growing.  It's been a hard pregnancy.  The hardest yet.  I am sixteen weeks and still sicker than I want to be.  I keep getting these massive headaches that sometimes take days to go away.  I am exhausted almost all of the time.  And I am super hormonal, feeling some of those post-partum feelings except it's not post partum yet.  not even close.  And I am fighting fear.  Because I think if the third pregnancy is this hard, what will it be like to be a mother to three.  I feel like my head is barely above water with two, so I feel crazy thinking I can have three.  And I have no excuses.  I can't say that mine are so close together.  That thing that I hear from others about how close in age all the kids are.  Mine aren't.  John will be almost four when this baby is born.  So, what excuse will I have when I am flailing about, my life looking quite crazy?  I know that the fear is not from the Lord.  Not even close.  But, I am struggling to hear truth these days. Whenever a gray cloud seems to fix itself permanently over my head, I have to fight so hard to sort through all the thoughts to find the true ones. 

I have a dear friend who asked me one day what I am so afraid of.  Being exhausted?  My house being messy?  And she said, those things will certainly be true, but it's okay.  It's okay that I am going to be tired and that my house will most likely be a wreck.  It's not forever.  And then I tried to dig even deeper.  What is the thing motivating this fear?  and, of course, there it was, staring me in the face.  I am so afraid of how out of control I will feel.  Which is such a lie anyway, to believe that I am in control now. 

Motherhood continues to make me feel so inadequate, to remind me of who I am, just dust.  And, praise the Lord, it continues to drive me to the foot of the cross.  To beg for some help.  To beg for God to equip me to do this thing that feels so impossible.  And he is always faithful.  Because I don't know how, but Ada is reading.  That was impossible.  I don't know how we did it or what we did.  But she is reading.  And John is in underwear, not diapers.  When I begin to feel so overwhelmed by life, I try to break things down to what needs to be done on this day.  And for a while now, those two things were our main things.  I mean, there was the daily stuff, but I mean, when I thought about the big picture, about what I am training Ada and John to one day be, the reading and the potty training were the basic things that to be done today to get us to the one day.  For Ada to and John to one day, I hope, influence this world for Christ, in a thoughtful and intelligent way, we had to start with the reading and the potty.  And those little things felt so impossible.  But God is faithful in that.

I am such a big picture person.  I get fired up when I go to conferences and talk about education and what classical education can prepare our kids to do and be as adults.  I love to read about education and discuss it and think about it.  But, then, when I have to come back home to parenting a three year old and a five year old and they aren't out changing the world for Christ, I have a much harder time with the details.  Details are not my strength.  But for Ada and John, reading and the potty were the biggies this year, and, praise the Lord, we did it!  And it's a reminder that for this little munchkin growing inside me, He will once again meet me in my need.  For now, the details are getting through this pregnancy with a healthy baby.  And then there will be the nursing and the sleeping and the adjusting to three children instead of two, and He will meet me there.   And that is the hope and the promise and the truth that I cling to in the midst of the fear that threatens to overwhelm.