Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Choosing Joy

I don't think anyone really reads blogs anymore.  I don't really, except to quickly see what is on sale at what grocery store, and does that even really count?  It's all about instagram and facebook, right?  But this has always been a place for me to put down my stones of rememberance.  To force myself to stop and look and see what God is doing right here in my everyday--a record of his faithfulness to me and my crew.

I am wading through some heavy duty post-partum "feelings" these days as I try to work out an appropriate treatment plan.  The medication I was on, only seemed to make the situation worse, so I am now trying to go off of said medication and try a more natural route, via essential oils and supplements.  Currently I am waiting on the EOs and supplements to arrive in the mailbox, and in the mean time I fighting some crazy emotions.  Lucky Scott ;)  Lucky Ada, John, and Evie ;)  And lucky my mother who I am currently calling on a daily basis to say, "tell me it's all going to be okay."  And, can we all nod in agreement that this dinner time, bath time, fussy baby, fussy mama, will daddy ever be home from work, time of day can do a number on the joyful feelings.  Right?

So...I am jumping back into blogging with a little list of things I am thankful for.  And I am going to most likely do that daily, not because I think anyone will read this, but because God sees me, even in my mess, and I want to force myself to stop and see that fact. 

Here I go.  I didn't even plan to write this many words.  I was just going to list.

1.  Microwave bacon marked down at Kroger today.  I didn't have one single clue what we were going to eat for dinner tonight, but we did have fresh tomatoes on the counter, and when I saw that the bacon was marked down (manager's special) to 1.50, I knew that it might not be a healthy dinner, but it would be dinner, and that was good enough.  BLT's it was.  (minus the lettuce.  oops, I forgot to buy the lettuce).

2.  I am thankful for those fresh tomatoes.  On Saturday, I desperately wanted some fresh tomatoes.  And my brain isn't so logical these days, so when we had driven around all over our town, because I thought that surely we would find someone selling fresh tomatoes, but there was not a tomato to be found, I might have cried a tear or two.  (I'm not joking.  Like I said, lucky Scott).  Well, Sunday morning someone brought tomatoes to church to give away.  I was home with a sick Evie, and Scott, Ada, and John walked in, home from church, each holding a big, fresh tomato in their hand.   Ada said, "guess what, someone was selling fresh tomatoes at church today.  And they were free!!" ;)

God sees me.

3.  I am thankful that mom suggested, because Ann has been trying this, that I require my children to have an hour of quiet time in the afternoons.  I have always wanted to enforce something like that, but it felt so impossible to do, but for the sake of my sanity, for the past two days, Ada and John have been required to spend an hour in their room while Evie takes her afternoon nap.  Ada has to quietly read for the first 30 minutes, but she can quietly play for the last 30 minutes.  John is allowed to quietly play for the entire hour.  They are not allowed to come out of their room unless it is an emergency.  (I am finding that their definition of emergency and my definition of emergency are two different things).  Miraculously--praise the Lord--it has worked really well the past two afternoons, and wow!  that quiet hour.  It is good for my soul.

4.  She Reads Truth.  I downloaded this app which has made daily bible study so simple and so easy to do, but at the same time, it is a very rich, in depth study of God's word.  I am always desperate for God's word, but I feel especially desperate for it these days.  Check it out and download it.  It's so great. 

So, there you go.  This list is my version of stopping and taking a deep breath and reigning in these feelings that threaten to get away from me. 


Margaret said...

I wish we were neighbors! So much of our lives seem to parallel. And I find it no mistake I read this tonight. I haven't read blogs in MONTHS and only update mine for the sake of my blog books, but I was lead her tonight. And I'm glad I was. And I'm going to try the quite time tomorrow for Simms and Cope while Clarke naps!!! So thank you!!

Katherine said...

Thank you for this post, Laura Beth! I totally get asking your mother on a daily basis if you're okay. I do it too. Oh I would love to sit with you in Big Blue Bagel, drinking umpteen diet cokes, and praying over our future. Motherhood is so hard...so exhausting...and sometimes so isolating. There is no brake. I'm so thankful for it, but I get the emotions. I'm so thankful you blog.

Redheaded Adventures said...

Shed some tears at that free tomato - what a precious gift - HE does see us...even our tomato cravings do not escape HIM. Saying a prayer for you today. Just finished a book last week and thought of you - Notes from the Tilt-a-whirl by ND Wilson. Refreshing look at our world and place in it - very poetic and rich but easy to read.