Wednesday, October 5, 2011

School continues. And what I am learning in the process.

 Just as I suspected back when Ada was a baby, and I first began to think through the option of homeschooling, my perfectionist, obsessive tendencies tend to bleed into our school time every single day.  When Ada can't remember the sound of O, even though we have been practicing it for weeks, or she forgets a Latin word that I know she knows, I get frustrated, she gets frustrated, our voices cross over into the land of not so kind, and...she's only four.  She's only four.
 When she can't remember every single bit of her memory work for the week (and it's a lot), and I become convinced that I am a terrible homeschooling mom and we need to immediately enroll her in public school, Scott has to remind me--she's four.  Focus on reading.  Focus on getting used to the routine.  She's four.
 When my house is a disaster.  A disaster (look at these pictures for a visual image of this).  And I read other blogs where moms have perfect morning routines so that their houses are perfectly in order before they even begin school for the morning, I, again, want to throw in the towel.  I am having to remind myself that me as a homeschooling mom is still going to look like me.  I am not an orderly person.  I am scattered and scatterbrained and intense and get it right one day and get it super wrong the next.  I have to know that just because I declare myself a homeschooler, I won't fall into perfect routines right away.  So...I am having to find something that works for us.
 And this is the main reason that I signed up for Classical Conversations.  I knew that I needed something to keep me on track. Accountability each week so that we don't veer completely off course.  But I also knew that I would feel tempted to compare and fret and want to be the best and feel like a failure if we aren't.  So, surprise, surprise...homeschooling is just another way that the Lord is showing me the depth of my sin and my desperate need for the gospel.  Desperate need. is homeschooling going?  It's going.  It's up and down.  Our goal is to get in three solid days at home (not counting our Tuesday in the classroom).  My goal is to get the main daily chores done before we start school each day.  Sometimes it happens; sometimes it doesn't.

And, being honest with you, it's turning out to be more of a time commitment than I realized.  It's a bit overwhelming.  I sometimes feel a bit like I am drowning, and I need to run far away and find a little corner where I can just be alone.  But, my conviction hasn't changed.  I have no doubt that this is what God has called our family to do, so I am trusting that His grace is sufficient.  He will equip me.  Right?  (please, Lord, help me do this).

I have also realized this year, as my time is stretched thin over various commitments, that next year, my one commitment needs to be homeschooling.  It's full time, and if I am going to do this, I have to do it.  I am sure there are other women who can handle more than me, but for me, for us, I will not take on nearly as much next year.

So, there you go... a little school update.

Bottom line.  We are learning as we go.


Jessica said...

i like what scott said...focus on routine and reading...yes sounds good to me.

you're doing a great job...especially with how full your plate is. and yes, it's just another way in which we must run to the Lord for strength and wisdom...sounds like you're actually right where you should be.

what's more important? having a perfect day where you see no need for the Lord's help or a day where your only help is the Lord.

So encouraged by you. May the Lord be your strength and wisdom today. (and mine too)

Katherine said...

Thank you for transparency. I struggle with perfectionistic thoughts about parenting and I’m not even a mom yet (which is yet again another sinful sign of perfectionism). “What a wretch I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Ro.7:24-25 Oh but I also thought that I’d share…in the picture you use to demonstrate your housekeeping, I was actually focused on that really cute sofa and lamp in the background. :)

jane said...

have you read much about charlotte mason's approach? i think blending it with classical makes a nice approach... and remember -- there a lot of k-4 programs that are just 3 days, so don't feel like you have to be doing so much yet. i am impressed that you have been brave enough to try-- i am to scared ;-)

Ann said...

I know exactly how you feel. The things that have to be done in one day here are overwhelming. But you are right, remember that she is only four. Legally, she doesn't have to be in any type of school yet, I'm assuming that is correct for Georgia? I kept telling myself that last year. Can't wait to see ya'll. The pictures of John are too, too cute!!

Julia said...

hey! just dropped in on your blog through amy e's...encouraging you to show yourself grace :) i tend to be so hard on myself when it comes to our house, but the reality is life with toddlers is chaotic. Our little guy is in preschool and just goes 2 days a week

Mary said...

I second Jane's thoughts on CM. And...we are all still learning. I am 9 years into this adventure and still have so many days when I feel like I am not doing enough. Thank you for the great reminder that we CAN'T do enough, they are in the Lord's hands and He gave them the right parents for the job! : )