Well, here I sit, trying to think of what to say other than to complain about the fact that I am so huge and uncomfortable. It's as if the muscles surrounding my stomach have thrown in the towel with this third pregnancy and have declared that they are done. They are no longer willing to hold up my stomach, so I walk around in pain, all of the time. Has anyone else experienced this? This is a new one for me. I'm not talking about contractions, though I am having those, but instead, just lots of aching in the muscles at the lower part of my stomach. So much aching and random sharp pains, 24-7, but especially when I go from lying to sitting or sitting to standing. But also, you know, when I walk across the room or wash dishes or live life in general.
I will say that I am carrying Evie much lower than I did Ada or John because I have had no heartburn at all with her, and I had tons with John. Maybe that explains the muscle pains?
I feel a bit defeated by life, and I don't mean in major, important, at all significant ways. I just mean in that my head is in nesting mode, big time, but my body protests if I even walk, so to flit around the house trying to get things in order poses quite the problem. I mostly just do it anyway, in major slow motion, but then I pay for it with swollen ankles and lots of contractions.
At the same time, I know it is such a gift to be pregnant at all. To feel this tired and huge and like a spectacle--it's a gift. To feel the waves of movement as she shifts in my belly. To know there is this person, my child, growing, growing, growing inside of me. Her heart beating inside of me. And then I go into Ada and John's room, to watch them sleeping, curled up, chest moving up and down, and I know that I would do it all again. Go right back to the very beginning and do it all again. Because at the end of the day, I get to be a mom. Thank you, Lord.