Today I found myself sitting in Phillips Arena listening to Kay Arthur and later Beth Moore speak and teach and knock me on my tail with conviction.
And here is how I ended up there. One of my college bffs, Lindsay Krupicka, called me last night around 11 pm to see if I wanted a FREE ticket to hear Beth Moore speak. She and her mother were going, and they had an extra ticket. Well, I thought really quickly, made sure Scott was on board, and I ended up heading to downtown Atlanta at 8:30 this morning.
But let me go back even further. As you know from previous blogs, I have been in quite the funk lately, feeling lonely and just "down" in general. I am just ready for some real friendships here in McDonough, and then, this week, I had a lunch date with a girl from church and a double date plus Ada with a couple from church on Friday night. Best of all, I really, truly enjoyed each "outing." I think that the Lord was showing me that he loves me, and that he cares about my loneliness and general struggles with being a stay at home mom before he so blatantly took me to today's conference and showed me some hard truths about my attitude of late.
Kay Arthur was the speaker this morning. She is 74 years old and oozing with wisdom. She taught from Jeremiah, and said some pretty hard stuff. Stuff about the lies that are running so rampant in our country and how essential it is for us to be eating and breathing and living God's word so that we are not fooled into believing the lies. She then specifically talked about how important it is for parents to be teaching truth to their children. And this is when I felt so convicted. I just get so caught up and blinded by the mundane, everyday stuff, that I lose sight of the bigger picture. The bigger matter at hand. Ada's little heart. I so want her to know and understand and desire truth from such a young age, and that is why I am at home. Not to cook and clean and "keep house," though those things have to be done, of course, but they aren't the primary focus. Training Ada's heart is the primary focus. Walking and talking and telling her constantly about the gospel, and living the gospel before her (and any other children the Lord chooses to give us). And oh how overwhelming that is. Because most days I fail miserably at living out the gospel, you know? The practical thing I walked away with is that I must, must, must be in the word of God. I must realize the absolute truth that, "man does not live by bread alone, but by the very words that proceed from the mouth of the Lord," (Deut. 8:3). Now, I believe whole heartedly that God cares about my loneliness and exhaustion and need for purpose, but I also believe that I will find contentment despite those things when I am spending time in his word everyday. And that the only way that I can teach and train Ada is to always be learning and growing.
And it is easy for all of that to overwhelm me and worry me, and that is when I have to remember that just as I did not earn my salvation, I cannot earn my children's salvation. I must be obedient, of course, to teach and train and speak of the gospel, but ultimately, God is sovereign. Ada's salvation is up to him. And my sin, my daily "mess-ups" cannot stop his sovereign plan.
Isn't it cool how God truly worked out all the details for me to hear that message this morning? I think so.