It's nearing midnight, and I should be sound asleep, but my mind is full of the day's events as recorded below. Of course I am thinking of how the day could have gone differently and how tomorrow should look. And of course the house is quiet as Ada is tucked away in bed. As usual I went into Ada's room to cover her because the nights have become so cold here. When I went in there, she woke up, so I indulged myself and picked her up for a minute. Her body immediately melted into mine, all curled up as if she was three weeks old instead of 15 months. And I buried my nose in her hair, drinking in the smell of baby shampoo and the feel of her in my arms. She is my precious girl. My joy and my delight. And yet, she requires so much of me. So, so much of me. And most often it feels impossible. I love that she is so full of personality; I just wish that very personality didn't create a child who is determined to always do the exact opposite of what I want her to do. Oh Lord, help us. Please, help us. And again, I visited Biblical Womanhood, knowing I would find encouragement there. A place where moms have experienced the very thing I have experienced. I find such comfort in knowing I am not alone. I already compared notes with Ann today, and she encouraged me, saying that she has been right where I am. That helps so much. I hate feeling alone. I hate feeling crazy. And when I hear another mom share her story, her experience, it makes me feel okay. And that is why I blog the reality of our day to day. Because that is all I can relate to--reality. Over at Biblical Womanhood, in light of the reality of our messy, sinful lives, I found this quote to be incredibly encouraging and just what I need to think about as I fall asleep tonight. Perhaps it will encourage you as well,
"It is faith that enlivens our work with perpetual cheerfulness. It commits every part of it to God, in the hope, that even mistakes shall be overruled for his glory; and thus relieves us from an oppressive anxiety, often attendant upon a deep sense of our responsibility. The shortest way to peace will be found in casting ourselves upon God for daily pardon of deficiencies and supplies of grace, without looking too eagerly for present fruit." (Charles Bridges from The Christian Ministry, 178).
2 comments:
great quote... encouraging.
and about the cold(w/ our 40 or so yr old windows, we stay chilly!) at new baby products you can buy a sleep sack("back to sleep" is the brand- you can probably find it online too) in size XL. i got a fleece one for e the other day and it is quite big so it should last us through the winter... it is so good to know that he's covered up all night!
oh Laura Beth~ I have been terrible with keeping up with the blogging world but I am so glad I wandered onto this post. I always leave your writings feeling encourged and understood:-) Let me just tell you that I know exactly where you are right now...Ella is trying her boundaries over and over again. She gets this little look on her face before she does something she knows she is not supposed to do. I think it's to see my reaction and to see if I am going to discipline her. It is one of my favorite stages because she is learning something new everyday but along with that the curiosity that her mind is producing also gets her into trouble! Thanks for this post...i love the quote too! We are at a very busy stage now with our girls!! The hard thing is trying to enjoy them in the midst of their stubborn-ness...I guess that is how the Lord is with us too--except there is no "trying" he simply enjoys us...pretty humbling to think about! Gotta go get Ella..she is waking up from her nap~
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