It's nearing midnight, and I should be sound asleep, but my mind is full of the day's events as recorded below. Of course I am thinking of how the day could have gone differently and how tomorrow should look. And of course the house is quiet as Ada is tucked away in bed. As usual I went into Ada's room to cover her because the nights have become so cold here. When I went in there, she woke up, so I indulged myself and picked her up for a minute. Her body immediately melted into mine, all curled up as if she was three weeks old instead of 15 months. And I buried my nose in her hair, drinking in the smell of baby shampoo and the feel of her in my arms. She is my precious girl. My joy and my delight. And yet, she requires so much of me. So, so much of me. And most often it feels impossible. I love that she is so full of personality; I just wish that very personality didn't create a child who is determined to always do the exact opposite of what I want her to do. Oh Lord, help us. Please, help us. And again, I visited Biblical Womanhood, knowing I would find encouragement there. A place where moms have experienced the very thing I have experienced. I find such comfort in knowing I am not alone. I already compared notes with Ann today, and she encouraged me, saying that she has been right where I am. That helps so much. I hate feeling alone. I hate feeling crazy. And when I hear another mom share her story, her experience, it makes me feel okay. And that is why I blog the reality of our day to day. Because that is all I can relate to--reality. Over at Biblical Womanhood, in light of the reality of our messy, sinful lives, I found this quote to be incredibly encouraging and just what I need to think about as I fall asleep tonight. Perhaps it will encourage you as well,
"It is faith that enlivens our work with perpetual cheerfulness. It commits every part of it to God, in the hope, that even mistakes shall be overruled for his glory; and thus relieves us from an oppressive anxiety, often attendant upon a deep sense of our responsibility. The shortest way to peace will be found in casting ourselves upon God for daily pardon of deficiencies and supplies of grace, without looking too eagerly for present fruit." (Charles Bridges from The Christian Ministry, 178).