Friday, January 7, 2011

Our Week

So...I posted on Sunday night, and then the week began, and it was a doozy of a week.  Oh wow. 

There wasn't any major thing that happened; it was just so many little things.  And I haven't really come up for air until now.  So, here I am.  And here is the week in some pictures.

(doing 30 day shred with me.  She loves it, and is doing it on her own as I type this)
(the play house that Mary Ann got her)

The good news about the week is that I stuck to my "resolutions."  I have made my bed first thing every morning, which has been the perfect place to put clean laundry when it comes out of the dryer, so I even have a good system going with the laundry.  I have exercised twice this week, and I plan to exercise once this weekend.  I have given Ada miralax every night this week, though we have yet to have success with that (I am beyond frustrated with the whole thing, and we are praying a lot, and Ada is crying a lot, and it's just not a great situation--It is now Friday night, and we have still had no success.  She is a champion "holder!!!")

I can't even explain why it's been a hard week other than the fact that Ada is three, and it seems that every second of every day is a battle.  Plus I struggle in a major way with only seeing the negative.  I know that is a sin tendency of mine, so at the end of each day, it is hard for me to see the successes.  It all looks like failure to me, and I have a hard time knowing if that is true or just the way my mind perceives it.  I don't want to view life from a negative perspective.  I absolutely don't.  Especially when I live in the hope of Christ.  But it's a battle I fight with my mind.  And this week, lies and emotions tell me that I have failed at parenting--just being really honest with you here--but I am praying for truth in the midst of that. 

I also battle really low energy.  I don't know what causes that.  It aids in my large diet coke consumption because caffeine is a quick fix, but for whatever reason, it has been a very low energy week.  At times a struggle to put one foot in front of the other.

But there have been some major victories this week.  Now that I have struggled with "negative thinking" for most of my life, I have learned to recognize the lies playing in my mind.  The one that plays on repeat?  "you can't do this; it's too much; it's too hard," and this lie is especially loud on days when I have no energy.  But this week, I was able to clearly recognize that those thoughts are LIES, and I repeated back, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," such a familiar verse, but nonetheless so very true. those moments when life in general feels too hard, I have simply looked at that moment of that day and I have done the next thing.  Christ gives me strength to do the next thing.  (By the way, as I type this, Ada is lying on the floor, yelling at me to put a diaper on her...I am so ready for this whole situation to be done!!!) Anyway, I hate to be such a downer, when in reality nothing really went wrong this week.  I am just ready for us to be past this potty "trial," and I am a little weary of the constant nursing and concerned about the logistics of weaning. 

The week ended with another trip to the pediatrician because John had what I thought was pink eye for the fourth time.  Since it was our fourth visit, the doctor determined that this is more likely clogged tear ducts, which he had for about the first six months of life, we thought they were cleared up, and I am guessing that first round of pink eye aggravated everything again.  If this doesn't clear up by one year there will be some kind of procedure done. 

On a more light hearted note, I want to share a conversation that we had with Ada in the car tonight.

Ada:  "let's play the alphabet game..." (we name a word and guess what it starts with.  Ada is terrible at this game)
Me:  "Okay, what does Ada start with?"
Ada:  "A!!!"  (so excited to know the answer)
Scott:  "What does Dad start with?"
Ada:  "E!!!" (so confident)
Scott:  "What sound does E make?"
Ada:  "C-C-C" (the hard C sound, again so confident)

Scott and I were laughing fairly hard at this.  I had such high hopes for her being an early reader.  I don't really think it's happening.

Okay, I just felt like I needed to check in and process the week that we just had.  Again, nothing bad happened other than my melancholy tendencies threatened to level me, but I fought (BY GOD'S GRACE!!!), and we made it through the week despite the threats;) 

And I am begging (literally laying hands on Ada as she sits on the potty) for God to help Ada use the potty.  Oh my word.  This child.


Jennifer said...

Well I don't have anything inspiring to say, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone, I'm thinking of you and praying for you and I hope things get easier. Maybe not GET easier, but maybe feel easier. I really relate to what you're always saying about having melancholy tendencies and all, so I know that that's really such a pain. But hang in there. She can't hold it forever, right? And I didn't breastfeed, so I have no idea how to wean, but I do know that no one ever went to college and brought his mama so he could nurse. So there must be a light at the end of that tunnel too. Is it like with older kids, where if they get hungry enough, they'll eat what you put in front of them? Probably not that simple, but that's all I have to offer. That, and my prayers.
And let me tell you, prayers? They work. I know you know that, and I sort of knew that too, but now I KNOW KNOW KNOW it, does that make sense? So I'll pray. Because now I KNOW it works.

Amanda said...

LB I'm so sorry you have had a rough week. I understand feeling worn down. Maybe not the situation that you are going through...yet :) Will be praying for you though.

Katie said...

I really think that you and I are a lot alike, you being more organized and level headed! I am a negative person. You can ask Brian. He hates that about me. I can wake up one morning and just know the day is going to be too difficult, or too long, or too boring, or whatever other negative thoughts I can apply. Any new situations or opportunities, I automaticlally look at the "bad" first and then slowly begin to see the positives. I hate it! For example, I haven't blog in over a month and it just seems like too big of a task to conquer I have been putting it off...and putting it off...and putting it off! Anyhow, I just wanted to share this with you. I can identify with the same struggle! Your post has helped me to realize that I can identify the thoughts and then pray that God will show me that it's not true. Thanks, Girl!

Laura Forman said... regards to the tiredness...have you ever had your thyroid tested?? After Sadie was born I was the same way for months on end and had several other issues too and ended up having it tested and now I am on meds and it is much better! :) I don't know just something to think about if it you are still feeling worn it (hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism) and see if you have any of the other symptoms. I had almost all of them and had no idea...
Also..keep up with the Miralax, we have to give it to Sadie takes a few days for it to start working!
Praying like crazy...I know your pain!!
And I am with you on the weaning...Jack loves loves loves the boob :)
Okay...enough words for a comment..;)