You might have noticed that my blogging came to a complete halt last week. I had grand plans for my online 31 Party last week, but all of my "grand plans" flew out the window last Monday:)
Last Monday at 11 am, Scott walked through our front door and announced to me that he no longer had a job with Fresh Express. The company is downsizing, and his position was eliminated. We were blindsided. We had no clue that this was coming, so it was a blow. To say the least.
BUT....and this is a big but...Scott and I have been purposefully praying about his job nightly since the first week of March. We specifically began to pray that we would be able to eliminate our debt, and the most obvious way to do that--from our perspective--was for Scott to get a new, higher-paying job. So, since March, truly we haven't missed a night, we have prayed together that God would find the perfect job for Scott--that Scott's resume would land in the right hands--that Scott would find favor in the eyes of the right person--but above all else, we have prayed that God's will be done.
We have also prayed that God would show us how to be good stewards of the money that we do have. We believed that it was his will that we get out of debt, that we build our savings, and that we be able to give in abundance. And, from our perspective, a new job seemed like the answer.
From the time we started praying that we would be able to get out of debt, the expenses in our life began to multiply in crazy ways, starting with Ada's week in the hospital, which resulted in two weeks of no tutoring for me, which led to no tutoring at all for me for a while, and the list just builds from there--car trouble upon car trouble upon car trouble, John's eye surgery, a broken AC, and I could go on and on. However, in the midst of it all, we continued to pray, and I really felt peace in the midst of it. I really did. (though it turns out, that my body began to deal with the stress through my "mysterious skin condition," which I found out from Emory is entirely stress induced). It has been so crazy, in fact, that it screams of God's hand at work. It must be. The fear, of course, was always that God is not concerned about my comfort level; he is considered about what is best for me.
And then, Scott lost his job.
And at the core of me, I know truth. I know that God is working all things for my good. I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I know that God's will is what I want. And I know that God knows the very number of hairs on my head--he knows the details of my life, and this is what is best for our family. So, overall, we feel excited that God is doing something Big in our lives. It has not been the norm for Scott and me to nightly pray together. We always said that we should pray together, but it is only in recent months that we were convicted enough about this specific desire--a new job--that we began to pray consistently. I have never been one to memorize scripture, yet in recent months, I have memorized quite a bit of scripture. Scripture that specifically speaks to my anxiety. I know that God has been preparing our hearts for this.
Of course I would be lying if I said I wasn't fearful. I am. There are a million questions running through my head. I am fighting the lies BIG TIME. I know that God is going to provide. We have seen friends and family rally around us in the past few months in HUGELY encouraging ways. Truly, others have come along side us to carry our burdens. The fear is not that God won't provide; the fear, of course, is how uncomfortable this process is going to be. I struggle with the idol of control, and I am certainly not in control of my future right now. But GOD IS GOOD. And I don't mean that in a trite way; I mean it in a factual way. He is good and he is sovereign and he is working in our lives for our good.
I didn't know how to blog about this because I am always afraid I am an oversharer. But, this blog is where I think out loud. I have always, always, always processed life through writing, and as our life changes over the next months--because change seems inevitable in this situation--I will want to write about it, so I wanted to share.
This is where we are. This is what God is doing. It is exciting, it is scary, but I am thankful already for all that God is going to do.