Monday, July 4, 2011

Where I've Been...

I am blogging from Alabama tonight.  I am here for a variety of reasons, but the main reason that I am here is to meet my newest niece, Abigail Ann.  

You might have noticed that my blogging came to a complete halt last week.  I had grand plans for my online 31 Party last week, but all of my "grand plans" flew out the window last Monday:)

Last Monday at 11 am, Scott walked through our front door and announced to me that he no longer had a job with Fresh Express.  The company is downsizing, and his position was eliminated.  We were blindsided.  We had no clue that this was coming, so it was a blow.  To say the least.

BUT....and this is a big but...Scott and I have been purposefully praying about his job nightly since the first week of March.  We specifically began to pray that we would be able to eliminate our debt, and the most obvious way to do that--from our perspective--was for Scott to get a new, higher-paying job.  So, since March, truly we haven't missed a night, we have prayed together that God would find the perfect job for Scott--that Scott's resume would land in the right hands--that Scott would find favor in the eyes of the right person--but above all else, we have prayed that God's will be done. 

We have also prayed that God would show us how to be good stewards of the money that we do have.  We believed that it was his will that we get out of debt, that we build our savings, and that we be able to give in abundance.  And, from our perspective, a new job seemed like the answer.

From the time we started praying that we would be able to get out of debt, the expenses in our life began to multiply in crazy ways, starting with Ada's week in the hospital, which resulted in two weeks of no tutoring for me, which led to no tutoring at all for me for a while, and the list just builds from there--car trouble upon car trouble upon car trouble, John's eye surgery, a broken AC, and I could go on and on.  However, in the midst of it all, we continued to pray, and I really felt peace in the midst of it.  I really did.  (though it turns out, that my body began to deal with the stress through my "mysterious skin condition," which I found out from Emory is entirely stress induced).  It has been so crazy, in fact, that it screams of God's hand at work.  It must be.  The fear, of course, was always that God is not concerned about my comfort level; he is considered about what is best for me.

And then, Scott lost his job.

And at the core of me, I know truth.  I know that God is working all things for my good.  I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I know that God's will is what I want.  And I know that God knows the very number of hairs on my head--he knows the details of my life, and this is what is best for our family.  So, overall, we feel excited that God is doing something Big in our lives.  It has not been the norm for Scott and me to nightly pray together.  We always said that we should pray together, but it is only in recent months that we were convicted enough about this specific desire--a new job--that we began to pray consistently.  I have never been one to memorize scripture, yet in recent months, I have memorized quite a bit of scripture.  Scripture that specifically speaks to my anxiety.  I know that God has been preparing our hearts for this.

Of course I would be lying if I said I wasn't fearful.  I am.  There are a million questions running through my head.  I am fighting the lies BIG TIME.  I know that God is going to provide.  We have seen friends and family rally around us in the past few months in HUGELY encouraging ways.  Truly, others have come along side us to carry our burdens. The fear is not that God won't provide; the fear, of course, is how uncomfortable this process is going to be.  I struggle with the idol of control, and I am certainly not in control of my future right now.  But GOD IS GOOD.  And I don't mean that in a trite way; I mean it in a factual way.  He is good and he is sovereign and he is working in our lives for our good.  

I didn't know how to blog about this because I am always afraid I am an oversharer.  But, this blog is where I think out loud.  I have always, always, always processed life through writing, and as our life changes over the next months--because change seems inevitable in this situation--I will want to write about it, so I wanted to share.  

This is where we are.  This is what God is doing.  It is exciting, it is scary, but I am thankful already for all that God is going to do.

14 comments:

Kasey said...

Can't wait to see how God works in your life. I know it's gonna be more than you can even imagine!

Ashley Turnbull said...

You know that we are here for you to go alongside you. Ready to step into action and help in any way we can. We, too, have been praying all of last week - having confidence that God will provide MORE than sufficiently. He always does. He has never failed you. And never will. You guys are safe in His arms. You are surrounded by the hands and feet of Christ (friends and family). Chase the lies away and only fill yourself with truth.

Here for you...

Lindsay said...

Thank you for your transparency, LB. I think it is a curse of the Fall that we women struggle with that idol of control. Praying for peace and wisdom for you guys!

Mary said...

LB, I am also one to worry that I am "oversharing", so sometimes I think I undershare in an effort to make sure I don't overshare, if any of that makes sense! I am happy and thankful for your example of moving past that fear and being transparent, it's encouraging all the way around. We love you guys and will remain in prayer for God's provision!!!! Have fun in AL !

Ellen Di Giosia said...

Came here from your husband's blog, so we don't know each other. But my husband and I have been through this, and I know the level of anxiety that can course through your veins, even as you whisper, "I trust you, God. I trust you, God." Your family is in my prayers - blessings on all of you!

Ellen Di Giosia said...

I came here from Scott's blog, so we don't know each other, but my husband and I have been through this. I understand the anxiety that courses through your veins, even as you whisper, "I trust you, God. I trust you, God." Your family is in my prayers!

Hank and Anna Uzzell said...

praying praying praying! love you!

laura.murphree said...

We are praying for you. If you need anything please let us know. We will help anyway we can.

Kaye said...

What an incredible post. I follow Scott's blog and found yours because of his post about this event in your lives.

I love the transparency here. I love that you are showing that you have faith but are scared at that same time. It's one of the most realistic posts I've seen in a long time and I applaud you for it.

I'll be praying for you guys. I'll be praying for your situation as well as God to give you peace and teach you something about yourselves in the meantime.

Nicole said...

I love that you find hope in something that is usually a bad thing. Praying for wonderful things ahead for your family.

Amy said...

If you end up having to move for a job and end up renting out your house, I can give you some tips as we've had to do it twice now... (we can't sell because we are under water)

Praying for Scott to get a new job! Is he a business major? I reccomend applying at Robins Air Force Base as a Program Manager. They get good pay (GS-12 level you can look it up) and its a federal gov't job- just about as stable as you can get. Now, Warner Robins, hmm...

Kathy said...

So sorry to hear he lost his job. I know it must be stressful! I was wondering though, if you would share what Scott's work experience has been. Perhaps your "oversharing" here will be the link between Scott and his new job?! Just a thought - might be why you felt the urge to share :).

journeytoepiphany said...

I can not wait to hear the testimony about this!

joy said...

Dear precious friend. wow. this is tough stuff. this is testing of our trusting God this is where your FAITH is acted out. THIS is the fire..but doesn't it feel good to loose the dross? I am praying for you! yes God is good. you are not an oversharer. you are real. thank you for that. a line from a song we sing at church comes to mind as i read..it says "God disarm (strip) me of everything i depend on til i depend on you" its a hard prayer to pray but what stronger arms to lean on than the Everlasting!
I love you. God is faithful. He loves you more!