I have always believed since I was a small child that a mother's place was in the home. I don't remember being taught this, but I observed it. My mother stayed home, my father went to work. And even then, not so long ago, the majority of mothers that I knew stayed at home. Now I realize that this is a controversial issue in 2008, and I don't wish to stir up controversy, I only wish to share some ways that God is dealing with my heart. I do want to make this clear, however, in my home, where I was indirectly taught that a mother's place was in the home, I was also directly taught that nothing less than my best in everything was acceptable. I could not play after school until my homework was done, and in elementary school I remember studying for tests with my father, and if I was still missing even a few questions that he asked me, well the studying was not done. I was taught to write neatly, do things completely, and I always knew that I would go to college. It was expected, assumed, and I never thought otherwise. So off I went to college, where I majored in fashion design, with every intention of having some huge career in New York City. Obviously that did not happen. And I even remember when making the decision to change my major, I told my mother that all I really wanted was to be a mother. But that was not an optional major, and reality showed that I very well could be single for my entire life. So I decided to choose a major that I would be happy with, that would be fulfilling if God gave me a life of singleness, and so I chose teaching. Because then I would still invest in young lives, and better yet, I would immerse myself in literature and writing. And what do you know, I fell in love with my major, and once I was actually in the classroom, well, I fell in love with teaching and with students and with, well, being in the classroom.
I am a big believer that truth is a very separate thing from emotion and feeling. I have to believe this because my emotions are so unpredictable, so I stand on truth. I fully believe that it is truth that I am to be at home with Ada, being a homemaker. And I always thought that I believed this to be a worthy profession, a high calling, a privilege. What I have found, however, now that I am home, is that there is not much glory in it. It is very daily, and at times, it makes me feel very unimportant, and I am tempted to want to go back to work. And this is where truth comes in. God is showing me in huge, huge ways that I am believing lies. And if my job is to teach my daughters the art of homemaking, well I must learn it myself, right? Again, this is not a post about whether a woman should stay at home or work, it is a post about my believing the lie that because I stay at home with my children, my job somehow makes my education useless or makes me somewhat worthless. How crazy is that? I even wrote a persuasive paper in graduate school outlining all the reasons why a graduate degree would benefit me if I were to stay at home with my children, and yet, I find myself forgetting what I wrote. In the midst of all of these feelings that have surfaced at the start of another school year, I find God sending me little messages, or not so little messages, about all of the reasons why he has called me to be a full time mom. And more than that, He has encouraged me so. Which I find so comforting. I don't feel so much disciplined by Him, but more reminded of truth. Of truth about why this job matters. And of truth about my sin and my pride in wanting a job that brings glory and acclaim. And truth that I must believe in homemaking if I am to teach my daughters that they are called to be homemakers in a world that is becoming more and more anti-homemaking. I am still in process, so forgive me if this post is somewhat unclear. Just know that I will probably revisit this topic more over the next months, years, lifetime even. And for some encouragement of your own, please check out this blog. Every time I read it, I find myself in tears because I feel like God is reminding me that He notices the job that I do, and that is enough. That is all I need.