Sunday, May 10, 2009

On Being Ada's Mother

I explained to some friends once that from henceforth, I will always view my life in two parts, life before motherhood and life after. I really don't think there is anything that could change my life more than becoming a mom.It was as if I entered this room where I saw my whole life from a completely different perspective, and every day that I wake up as Ada's mom, I gain a bit more understanding about what life was like for my own mother. "It ain't easy", ya'll, but I am so thankful that I get to do this raising of Ada.
She is my precious girl, and I cannot remember who I was before her. Sometimes I think I imagined that life before. All of a sudden everything revolves around her--teaching her and training her and completing the simple tasks that make up a day. I often feel like I am walking through quick sand as we complete our daily routines. I remember when I was pregnant, hugely pregnant, and I was complaining to my mother that I was just ready for her to be here, so that she would no longer be attached to my body. My mom wisely said to me (and I paraphrase) that though she wouldn't physically be attached to me, it would never again just be me. Isn't that the truth? Oh man, I had no idea, and how could I have known? She is truly like another limb. Everything that I do involves her somehow, and it is an overwhelming task.
But oh how I love her. I often sneak into her room at night just to drink in the sight of her. It is heavenly. How empty life would feel without her. I am so grateful that for this day, I get to be her mom, and I regret the time I spend complaining and wishing the time away. As I heard another mom say, though these are the dog days of motherhood, they are also the glory days, and I pray that the Lord would grant me the grace to walk through the hard, daily stuff, all the while truly understanding what a gift each moment is. Thank you, mom, for day after day after day of being our mom. I now slightly (and I assume that I will gain understanding with each year that passes) understand how closed in the walls of that house must have seemed. Four little attachments depending on you. Thanks for still showing up when we need you the most (and for all the little times in between).

5 comments:

Sarah Garner said...

LB, Ada is so very cute. I know you are a wonderful mother!

Amanda said...

Such a sweet post LB. Definitely brought tears to my eyes! Hope you had a wonderful mothers day. I still remember what you were like before Ada. I'm sure we could dig up some good pictures of you dancing on the WH table :) Love you!

Elizabeth said...

awwwww. I'm wondering if you had posted this when we talked last night. And I didn't mention it because I hadn't read it. I love the whole thing. Thanks for what you said and I love the whole thing about Ada. There's nothing like it, is there? Sorry for all the times when I acted stupid and qualified for the "world's worst mother". I didn't want to be that way. I wanted to win the prize for "world's perfect mother". Oops. Missed that mark. I know it's hard to imagine that the way you feel about Ada is the way I felt about each of you and still do. Crazy. It was hard to get it that my mother had those same passions about Mary Ann and me, but she did and was the best mom. Still, it's hard to get it that somebody loves us that much, especially when the "flesh" shows up. Well - I loved the post. Wish I hugged more and said I love you more. Sad I inherited that thing which shuts down all hugs and kisses and love you's once adulthood shows up. :-(

Well - I love you and hug, hug, kiss, kiss. MOM

ann said...

You say it so well! What prompted this post? LOVING the Excellent Wife, BTW!

Stephanie said...

Cute, cute, cute! :) Thanks for posting!
Hollen
P.S. I am posting under my mom's username again because every time I try to post a comment under mine it says "incorrect password" LOL