Wednesday, May 27, 2009

What a hard day we've had

Ada and I have had a hard day.

We started at Wal-Mart, where I attempted to buy a car charger for my dead phone. The charger was out of stock, and in the mean time I needed to pick up some advil for my aching mouth and some juice for the drive home. Ada, being the free girl that she is, hates (and I do mean hate) all things confining, be it a stroller, a grocery cart, or even the grip of my hand. When she decided to lie down on her back in the middle of Wal-Mart, however, I decided that enough was enough, and I proceeded to hold her hand/drag her through Wal-Mart while she cried all the way. People were staring, and it wasn't even 8:00 yet.

Next, on our way out of town, we stopped at a Verizon place (that was also out of the charger) and here Ada attempted to grab hold of the handle of the front door and climb (yes climb) up the front door. She had made it fairly far up the door using just the grip of the handle and her feet on the glass when I noticed her, and immediately grabbed her, of course.

We finally found the charger in a mall in Chattanooga, TN, and there I had to force a struggling toddler to stay in my arms while I talked to the sales guy and paid for my charger. Ada was so angry. I was so angry. We finally got back to the car, where Ada proceeded to kick and scream about getting into her car seat. After a good, hard pinch, she conceded (not without lots of tears), and I get in, crank the car, and realize that my cell phone is still sitting on the counter inside the mall. I almost started crying then and there. I finally got my phone and Ada both in the car, and we were on our way to Atlanta.

Soon after we got on the interstate, Ada was sound asleep, and tears were rolling down my face. I spent a long time praying through some truth--"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," Phil. 4:13 (all includes discipline and train and teach this child the gospel), and "Anything that I ask in his name, he will do it" John 14:14, John 15:16, John 16:23, and isn't it his will that I properly discipline Ada? I was running on empty, ya'll. After three days of single parenting a sick child all while tackling a root canal, I couldn't get home fast enough.

However, just as we were finishing up the bedtime routine, Ada was running around in circles, wired. She started climbing up her crib, and then jumping off of it, and saying "wheeeee". Scott thought this was funny, which I suppose it was, but I also thought it was dangerous. Scott (per my request) told her to stop, and she proceeded to throw her pacifier at him (all in the name of transparency). At this point, I tried to get in her face and calmly, but firmly tell her no, and she hit me in the face. I pinched her hard, which did break her spirit, but then she wanted nothing to do with me, as she wailed and wailed. Her feelings badly hurt, and my heart a little broken because Ada has never not wanted me because she was angry with me. She started asking to go night-night, still having nothing to do with me, and that is how our night ended. wasn't my best day of motherhood. It wasn't Ada's best day of daughterhood (?). I am thankful for the gospel, though. And God's grace that abounds in the face of my sin and inadequacy. Oh man, am I feeling inadequate.

But... The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in him and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank him. Psalm 28:7

I have to go, though. I hear a little voice crying and asking for "mama," and you better believe that I am responding to that.


Jessica said...

I totally know how you feel...single parenting for several days in difficult situations...that has been my story too this past weekend and I am exhausted. I hope you get some rest...and thank goodness for the Gospel.

Tutti said...

been there, done something close to that. can't say that i relish those days, but i can say (like you) that i am grateful for god's mercy and grace.:)

Lindsay said...

Sorry about your day Laura Beth. I can't imagine all that was going thru your head and heart! Please know that next time you're in Chattanooga, you can call me and I'll be there to help (or at least just give you a familar face to see)! In the meantime, we'll be praying that your day is brighter tomorrow!

Ashley said...

I'm so so very sorry you had such a horrible day, and week actually. I do appreciate your honestly though b/c there are days when Reagan pushes me to my limit and I feel like the only mother in the world who cries and "loses it" while taking care of her child. If it makes you feel better I had two of the scariest moments this week involving the swimming pool in our subdivision and our car. Reagan fell in face first to the pool Monday and I locked her in the car with the keys in it yesterday afternoon. Sheer panic is the only word to describe both. In the end Reagan was ok, but just know that I feel your pain and pray my way through those kinds of days too.

The Carrolls said...

I stumbled across your blog somehow months ago and I love reading about little Ada. My son, Bryce, is 2 also and he is just like her! I just wanted to send you some {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}! I know that you need them. You did the right thing and I hope you have a better day today!