First a comment on my google reader. How do I know that I am subscribed to waaaaaay too many blogs--I have over 500 unread posts. It's time to clean it out, don't you think?
Second, I am getting a full dose of infanthood over here in Alabama, and let me just say, it's all coming back to me. The endless crying, the lack of sleep, the frustration over not knowing exactly what your baby wants or needs. Let me also just say that I am not deterred in the least. Lord, please, let me be a mama again. This is what I think about those early months--months one through three to be exact, you just have to hold your nose, close your eyes, and jump, and just when you think you can't hold your breath any longer, you rise to the surface and you have survived. And your baby is smiling and cooing, and sleeping longer than two hours at a time. You do get there one day. Because on top of the crying (screaming may be a more appropriate term) I have also been reminded of the newborn smell and the way they stretch and curl their bodies when you pick them up, as if they are still tucked into the womb. And those fingers and toes. Oh man, I can't get enough. I repeat, Lord, please, let me be a mama again. And give me the grace to survive everyday of it, even the ones that feel unsurvivable.
In the mean time, Ada is still choosing to hit and scream and throw tantrums, but she and Ellie do seem to be getting along better than ever before, and I was about to die to pick her up today when we had only been apart for two nights. It's the paradox of motherhood--I desperately need a break, and then I am desperate to get back to her when we are apart. No matter how many times she hits me in the face (most definitely on purpose) she is still my precious girl, and we will figure this out and get to the other side--just like we figured out nursing and sleeping and living life during those first few months of her life. I suppose every stage will bring some thing that will cause me to cry out to God for grace and strength and wisdom. And I am so thankful that he has promised mercies that are new every morning.
4 comments:
Girl, you described those first few months perfectly! Truly just trying to survive! I remember those first few months having my sweet blogging friends encouraging me that it does get better, and it really does! :) And then you are ready to do it all over again, even the sleepless nights :) Have fun with Ann and her newest little one, tell her I said hello :)
well if you ever make it over this way while you are in Sboro, give us a call. glad to see you are still alive, friend!
Hi LB, So glad you got to go help Ann! I continue to check you blog multiple times a day for updates. I'm a nerd. Anyway, Jessica Smith is pregnant now and Christy has a 2 month old. I want to get Jessica a parenting magazine. What do you suggest? Can you email me because she checks my blog. :) Sarah.Lundeen@gmail.com. Thanks!
I was just thinking tonight as I was putting Reagan to bed how it's hard to even remember those days when it took 2 hours to get her to sleep for 30min....or when she wouldn't sleep without being held. I think God allows you to forget all the really hard, painful, and emotionally draining moments, because if he didn't we would all have only one child! :) And I think it will be easier with the second, if only that this time I know what i'm signing up for-6 months of simply surviving each day. But you're right, one day you wake up and your baby is smiling at you and playing with you and those moments that seemed so unbearable are a distant memory.
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