To Clarify

This morning I was awake at 4 am, something that is happening a lot these days, so I decided to use the time to pray.

I put my hand over my womb, and I began to pray for this life inside of me. I prayed for healthy development of the lungs and brain and all the other parts that are developing right now as we speak. I prayed for this life that is being knit together, this soul. And as I prayed I was overwhelmed with all of the possibilities of what can happen between now and forever. Making it to birth day is just the first obstacle. There is so much more after that. I was also overwhelmed by the fact that God and the gospel is the only sure thing, and for whatever reason, on this day he has chosen to make me a mom to this baby inside of me. He has not guaranteed tomorrow. And this sickness is a privilege, really, because it means that for this day I am a mom. I just want to clarify that in the midst of all the complaining that I am doing (trust me, I am so aware of my shortcoming. My glass half empty tendencies), I do understand that this pregnancy is a precious gift, and I am so thankful. I don't mean that I won't complain. I complain a lot about the challenges of raising Ada who is no longer in my womb. But overall, I am overwhelmed by what a joy she is to me. And that is true for this baby too.

And of course, I will continue to pray that the Lord would work in me to make his joy such a reality in my life. That is what I want to overflow out of me, not the complaints. Thanks for being patient with me, readers, as I tend to blog the lows rather than the highs.